I was always pleasantly surprised when I opened my eyes and found that I was in my own bedroom. It was a safe haven. I had to keep reminding myself that I was finally back home – back in Georgia. I guess I sort of grew used to opening my eyes to find the fancy ceiling of my hotel room. But that was in the past. I have been in Georgia for a couple of days now. I realized that spending time on your own wasn't such a bad thing. I needed some time to reflect on whatever happened to me. I rejected Amber and Tymon's offers to go out and stayed in my room, a Beatles record always playing and university applications laid out in front of me. More things to worry about.
Amber and Tymon were pretty sure that they were going to be studying here in Georgia. If not in Savannah, it was going to be in another city. I was pretty frustrated about that. A part of me wanted to escape the heat and move somewhere else. I grew up in Savannah. I knew it like the back of my hand. Frankly, I had seen enough of it. I wanted a new environment – new opportunities. But the other part didn't want to abandon my parents, Amber, and Tymon.
I cupped my face and let out a long sigh. My eyes were trained on the countless of applications in front of me. Some of the papers did consist of colleges in New York. I liked some of the ones we visited and it had me thinking. Some other applications were of colleges in other states in the US and some in Europe.
This wasn't an easy decision.
I bit down on my lower lip – a bad habit I picked up – and scanned the papers. Amber and Tymon did have some colleges in mind.
I wondered where Dylan was going.
I bit down harder on my lip as images of Dylan flooded my already-full mind. Whenever I thought of him, my heart clenched and my stomach plummeted. It was a familiar feeling that I didn't want to confront. We haven't talked in a while and it was killing me. I decided that I should talk to him.
I got up from my bed and wiped a mat of sweat off of my forehead. I walked over to the balcony doors and peered through the curtain. My stomach sank in disappointment. His doors were shut and his curtains were also drawn. I haven't seen him for a while. I wasn't going to lie. I usually looked out of my window to check if he was outside or something. He never was.
Sighing, I let go of my curtains and folded my arms. I took in a sharp breath as the memory of he and I kissing resurfaced. My body grew hot and I bit down on my lip. I remembered the way his hands grabbed my face and the way his lips felt like pressed on mine. I found myself smiling.
"Aubrey?"
I whipped my head to look at my mom, my hands dropping. She stood at the doorway, a light smile on her face. "Are you okay?"
I nodded, mirroring her smile. "Yeah."
"I was just wondering if you wanted to eat or drink something," she said, tucking a loose strand of her curly hair behind her hair. "Can I get you anything? I figured you were tired and exhausted from all those applications."
I smiled. "Tea would be nice."
She nodded and walked over, cupping my chin. She smiled and planted a kiss on my forehead. "I love you, you know that?"
"Of course," I said, grinning. "I love you, too. I love you and dad so much."
Mom flashed me a wide smile and then lightly patted my cheek. "We know. Now go take a shower. You're starting to smell. I'll start with the tea."
I laughed and nodded. She left and closed the door behind her.
She was right.
I was starting to smell. Cringing, I stripped off my clothes. They hung on to my skin because of the heat. I quickly hopped into the shower, letting the cold water run down my body. It soothed me. When I was done, I pulled on some light clothes and sat down on the bed. I devoured a fruit salad and drank the tea my mom made and continued looking over the applications. It exhausted me.
"This can wait till tomorrow," I muttered, gathering the papers. I shoved them into my drawer and set the tray on the desk. My room felt like a sauna. I drew away the curtains and opened the balcony doors, a light and cold breeze fanning me. I sighed in content and sprawled onto the bed. I pushed away the eager thoughts that wanted to taunt me and curled up into a ball. Soon enough, I fell asleep.
"Aubrey?"
I stirred a little but kept my eyes shut. I was still not full of energy.
"Aubrey."
"What?" I mumbled.
It was my mother. "You have a visitor."
"Tell them to go away," I muttered, curling back into a ball.
I could feel my mother rolling her eyes. "But you like this person. Now, come on. Get up!"
I slowly opened my eyes and waited for them to adjust. My mother left the room. Sighing, I stood up and stretched, yawning. Wrinkling my nose, I turned around, ready to go downstairs.
But I didn't. I couldn't.
My visitor was standing right at my doorway.
I froze, my eyes widening. Dylan stood still, his arms folded across his chest. His face held a blank look.
I swallowed and pursed my lips. "Hey."
Dylan nodded at me.
I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably. "How...how have you been?"
He looked down for a moment and then back at me. I held the gaze our eyes formed. It has been so long. A part of me felt happy to see him. Another felt proud that I finally talked to him. The other was nervous.
"Fine," he replied. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Why have you been avoiding me?"
His question caught me off guard. My breath hitched and I froze. My eyes couldn't look away, though.
He cared.
He cared, didn't he?
I remembered the day I made it clear that he cared about me. It was in my hotel room. Then, later on, he kissed me. I had to take deep breaths to stop myself from blushing. My heart pounded.
"Oh, I'm fine, too!" I teased.
Dylan didn't smile. Gosh, I missed his smile.
"Don't change the subject," he said. "Why have you..." He stopped and licked his lips. "Why have you been avoiding me?"
"I...I wasn't avoiding you, Dylan," I answered, swallowing. It was a lie. I was avoiding him. I was avoiding everyone. "I...I'm just confused. I needed some time to think. A lot has happened...a lot."
Dylan looked down, as if he understood what I meant. But he knew that I was lying. He knew that I was distancing myself from him.
I folded my hands and looked down at my socks. "You've been avoiding me, too."
"I just came here to...I just came to check up on you. Your friends keep asking me about you. They're worried. I think you should talk to them—"
"Why'd you kiss me?" I blurted out, cutting Dylan off. My eyes locked with his and I noticed his body going still. He stared at me, his eyes slightly widened. They roamed mine and I felt my knees buckle. "I...I want to know why you kissed me." I folded my arms.
"Do you?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yeah. I do. Tell me."
Dylan swallowed, yet his face returned to its blank usual. He shoved his hands into his pants' pockets and pursed his lips. "I overheard you and that girl Abby talking. What she said to you...they...they angered me. I didn't like them. So I kissed you."
I felt my stomach sink in disappointment. He didn't kiss me because he liked me. The kiss wasn't real to him. He didn't kiss me because he wanted to. He kissed me because he was compelled to. He felt sorry for me. It was a pity kiss. I wanted his reason to be much more than that.
"Out of all the boys you could have chosen to move on to, you chose Dylan. You chose someone who's out of your league. It's hard having a crush, isn't it? Dallas couldn't even like you the way you thought he did. Do you honestly think Dylan could do that? Do you think he could like you? Pathetic."
Abby's words rang in my head. I got even more disappointment by the minute.
"Oh," I said, hoping my voice didn't waver. But it did. "So...so you felt pity for me. I...you didn't have to do that. You didn't have to kiss me because you felt sorry for me. Abby...she just says things." I swallowed. My throat felt dry.
A dang pity kiss.
Dylan stared at me. His hands left his pockets and after a few moments of silence, he nodded and turned around, leaving the room. But I couldn't handle that. He answered my questions but I had one more left. Before I knew it, my feet were carrying me outside of my room and I called out to Dylan. He stopped at the top of the stairs and craned his neck.
"What?" he said.
"I have another question," I breathed, my heart pounding. "Why did Abby's words anger you? Why didn't you like them?"
I didn't get any response back.
"I have to go" was all he said. But I couldn't. I just couldn't let him go. We haven't talked in days. I knew that if he left, those days could turn into weeks. I didn't want that.
"Dylan," I called out again, stopping him. "I...I miss you."
His jaw clenched and he licked his lips. "I miss you, too," he spoke softly and in a low voice. My heart clenched. Then, he turned his head away. "By the way, I don't pity anyone."
He turned his head away and left. I was left standing still, my breaths hasty, my heart wildly drumming, and my body tingling.
His words rang in my head for the rest of the day.
"I don't pity anyone."
I was right.
After Dylan left my house that one day nothing happened after that. Silence fell between us, even though we didn't see each other. His balcony doors remained shut. Mine were always open. His words continued to ring in my head. I couldn't get them out. It was even more frustrating now. I continued to turn down Amber and Tymon's offers to go out. I tried to push Dylan away from my mind and focus on college but I could never get far without an image of him popping into my head. It was aggravating.
I needed to talk to him.
I needed him to talk to me and tell me everything. I needed answers. Sure, I asked him about the kiss and he answered but it felt like I still had so many more burning questions eager to be put out.
"Focus, Aubrey," I whispered, a brochure of a university in front of me.
But I couldn't.
Sighing, I pushed the brochure away and rubbed my face.
Then, there came a knock on the door.
I whipped my head and thought for a moment. Maybe that was Dylan. My heart began to speed up and I stood up.
"Come in," I carefully said.
The door gently opened and Amber stood by the doorway. She looked at me and flashed me a light smile. So it wasn't Dylan. But I wasn't disappointed.
"Hey," I said, smiling at her. I folded my arms and leaned against my desk.
She entered and gently closed the door. "How've you been?"
"I'm okay," I answered. "What about you? And Tymon?"
"We're fine," she replied, sitting down on the bed. "So, have you talked to Dylan lately?"
Her question took me by surprise.
"A couple of days ago," I said. "Why?"
"Just asking," she said. "You've been distant lately."
I tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear and shot her a sympathetic smile. "Sorry about that. I've just been busy with colleges and stuff."
"Right," she replied. She cleared her throat. "Did you hear that Catherine's in Georgia?"
I swallowed. "No, I didn't. How so?"
She shrugged. "She's here visiting relatives. And Dylan, obviously. We had lunch with her yesterday. Dylan couldn't come. Said he was busy. But they went out a lot these past couple of days. They were always together."
"That's nice," I said, nodding.
Amber fiddled with her fingers and cleared her throat. "They're together now, Aubrey." She flashed me a sympathetic smile, as if I were fragile. "They're...they're dating."
As soon as the words escaped Amber's lips, I took in a sharp intake of breath. I think my smile faltered and I frowned. I felt my fingers go numb and my stomach sank in disappointment and sadness. But I quickly covered it up and forced a smile, folding my arms. I turned around and looked out the window.
"Oh," I said. "Well, that's good. That's really good. I'm happy for them."
"Aubrey," Amber began softly. "Aubrey, you don't have to lie to yourself or me. Stop denying it. Confront the idea. You like Dylan. Aubrey, you like Dylan."
I closed my eyes for a brief moment and bent my head. Life has a way of taking people by surprise. I swallowed and opened my eyes.
"So what if I do?" I softly mumbled. "Yes. Okay. You're right. Gosh, you're right. But what's the point? What's the point in liking someone when you know that it's useless? When you know that they like someone else?"
"Oh, Aubrey," Amber said. She approached me and put a hand on my shoulder.
I shook my head and smiled but refused to look at Amber. "I'm fine, Amber. I am." I shrugged. "I should get back to those applications. I'll see you later. We can hang out."
"Okay," Amber said. She let go of my shoulder and with reluctance, left the room.
Silence enveloped the room and I stared out the window. I forgot about those applications. They seemed so unnecessary to me. I bit down on my lip and I thought about them.
About Catherine and Dylan.
Together.
So close and in love.
And it broke my heart...
