the remedy for a broken heart (why am I so in love)

--wiser:oldmancanyon--

I've been thinking about the concept of befriending someone, learning all about them, talking more and more until it becomes a constant thing and you can't go a single day without or else the equilibrium of your life suddenly feels off and the planets are off course and it just feels kind of empty. I've made many friends. Everyone has friends as a kid, that's a given. You're basically forced to hang out with other kids because a) your mom is friends with other moms, b) you live in a tight neighborhood and every time you go outside there is someone out there playing too, and c) your mom doesn't want you to be in the house because she hates your ass and wants you away from her. Okay, the last one is a joke, but you never know, so I had to include it. Plus, I like to think I'm funny, so whatever.

Anyway, moving on.

Once you get out of the little kid years and get into becoming a preteen, people begin to show true colors and how they were raised. Some people are just raised to be bitches, while others only put on that same facade to try and fit in because no one knows who they are when they're nine, ten, and eleven years old. Those years are the first years you begin to taste other people's emotions. You might distance yourself, if you're not one of the ones that likes to be a bitch or put on the mask that hides you as one of them. You might be the head bitch, leading around all your little followers that you think will last forever (Heads up, it doesn't). Who you are as a kid is not who you will always be. Thank God I am not the same person I was when I was in fifth grade. I'm not totally different; I'm still laidback, still blind as fuck, and still making the same shitty jokes as I did seven years ago (What did the brother cell say to the sister cell? Mitosis!) (Please ignore me, I'm sorry). But I'm not a follower, really. I try to make my own choices and not let people sway my decision making skills or opinions that I feel strongly about. I do my own thing a lot, not too dependent on being around people constantly. That doesn't mean I don't love spending time with the people I love, because damn, I do. I love spending time with people who make me smile and laugh so hard that I don't even make noise and I'm just sitting and stomping my feet and clapping my hands because I can't even formulate sounds anymore. I love spending time with people who make time for me and want to hang out with me as well. Being wanted is such a necessity in human life that even the simplest forms of it are accompanied with the most amazing feelings.

Once you get into high school, it's like you turn into a fucking raging teenager that just wants to do hoodrat shit with your best friends and stay out late and party and just live up these years while you're young and not burdened with so much shit that you know you will be when you become an adult. One of the things I love doing with my friends is riding on some old backroads, windows down, sunroof open, blaring the crudest, loudest, most fun songs to sing your heart out to. High school is when you get to choose your friends, choose who you want to be around, and choose who you want to be a part of some of the most pivotal parts of your life. Yeah, I know high school is not always the best four years of your life, and I agree with that wholeheartedly. It's simply a speck on the horizon in the long run, but it's what you make of it. It's how much effort you put into enjoying the moments you have with temporary people you're only with for twelve (or four) years. It's how you choose to live: in happiness or dread. I'm not saying there can't be a little bit of both, because I've definitely been on both sides of that fence, and neither is better than the other. Of course being happy is desired, but how would we know what happy moments are classified as if we didn't have sad moments every once in a while?

I think that people leave lasting impacts on you, if you let them. I've let many people leave lasting impacts on me, some not the best, but you always need a little bit of bad to balance out with the good, in my opinion.

A few recent impacts have been both bad and good. A good one was making a new friend and getting to know her. She's a fucking dork, but she makes me laugh, all while roasting me and keeping my ego in check. She lets me complain, too, and helps when I'm feeling pathetic and tells me that I'm better than that, even though she barely knows me. I think that's one of the most important qualities someone can have: being able to make a person feel comfortable with themselves even though you haven't been friends for as long as you can remember. Being able to make a person feel like they matter will get you so far in the long run. I am appreciative of her and her qualities that have helped me laugh more in the past three days than I have in the past three months.