Kim Jong-Un (One shots)

(BTS meets Kim)

"DADDY!" Baby Kim Jong-Un yelled at his father. He ran over to his father who was sitting at the kitchen table.

" What the fuck do you want you failed abortion?" Kim Jong-Il's voice was sharp against baby Kim's ears. father Il had always hated baby Kim with a passion. He hated baby Kim so much, on multiple occasions he had purposely buckled Kim in a car seat and threw him in a lake. But, baby Kim always survived.

"Guess what today is?" Baby Kim jumped with excitement. His fat rolls jiggled as he jumped with joy.

"The day I kill myself?" father Il smiled at the thought of him not being alive. Man, he wished that more than anything. Anything to get away from baby Kim would be Heaven.

"No! It's my birthday!" Baby Kim grabbed his father's arm and tugged it. "What did you get me for my birthday?!" Baby Kim smiled.

"Nothing. Last time I gave you a birthday present, people said AIDS wasn't considered a gift. Back in my day it was trendy to have AIDS." Father Il sighed and shook his head.

"But, DADDY I want to meet BT-" father Il interupted.

"BTS I know, it's that k-pop band that your mom creams over. Is that all you want for your birthday?" Il pulled out a packet and poured it into his coffee cup.

"Is that rat poison?" Kim pointed to the packet that his father was holding. Father Il nodded, confirming that it was indeed rat poison.

"You fucking jellyroll anwser my question! Is that what you want for your birthday?" Father Il took a sip from the coffee cup and smiled in enjoyment.

"No, I wanna meet BT-"

"Alright, I'll make sure you and your mom meet BTS." Father Il picked up his phone and dialed a number. He talked on the phone for a while and eventually hung up. "They should be here soon." Father Il started to foam up at his mouth as he fell to the ground.

Baby Kim ran up to his father in tears. "DADDY, are you going to be okay!?"

"Son." Father Il spoke weakly " I hope you fucking die." Il closed his eyes and smiled, he breathed his last breath. He was dead.

Baby Kim continued to cry until there was a knock on the door. He got up and ran to the door. But, his mom was there before he was. She had a beer in her hand. "Mommy, don't drink! You always get pregnant when your drunk!" Baby Kim shouted.

"Shut up you fucking frog!" She shouted. Mommy Kim looked at the K-pop group standing in front of her. "Don't worry boys, I've been scooped clean." She winked and invited them into the house.

"This isn't what I wanted for my birthday!" Baby Kim yelled and started to cry.

"This is what I want for my birthday! I like the one who looks like a horse." Mommy Kim flirted with J-Hope "You asked your dad for BTS and that's what he got you."

"NO! He assumed I wanted BTS, he interrupted me! I was going to tell him I wanted to meet BTR!" Baby Kim was practically screaming at this point.

"BTR? What the hell is BTR?"

"Big Time Rush! You know, the next Beatles? Duh! I never would want to meet some trash band like BTS, the true boyband is Big Time Rush. " Mommy Kim walked over to Baby Kim and started to beat the shit out of him.

"Stop!" A voice was heard from the group of boys. "He's right, we would never compare to Big Time Rush." Jin walked in front of the boys "You can't change my mind." The rest of the BTS members agreed. "But, since you didn't get to meet the Gods themselves. Maybe we can make it up to you."

Kim got up from the ground, wiping the blood from his face. "Really!?"

"Really, really!" Tae responded and winked.

Baby Kim sat on the floor and watched BTS perform all of BTR's albums. While BTS was performing God's work, Mommy Kim went into the kitchen and downed the rest of the rat poison and joined father Il. Baby Kim Jong-Un had the best birthday in the world!

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Did you want this?
No
Did you need this?
No
Is BTR superior to BTS?
Hell yeah