Who to Love ( A Connor Franta / O2L Fanfic )

Chapter 3

Grace

After Connor dropped me off at my apartment building, I walked up and entered my apartment.

Now that I'm in the privacy of my own home, I walk to my master bathroom and take my dress and shoes off, leaving me in my undergarments. I turn and open the bathroom closet and pull out a bathrobe that I have hung up on the back of the door, pulling it onto my shoulders and tying the string around my waist. After washing my makeup off, I decide to go into the living room and watch something on TV.

But I find this task incredibly hard. I can't focus on watching the show that happens to be on when I then the television on, which is How I Met Your Mother.

My mind keeps thinking back to the "date" with Connor. It was extremely rocky at first, as I wished it would have been the whole time. But then, slowly, we began to get along and act like a normal couple. He was a complete gentleman after our little argument and I hated that. I wish that he was a complete jerk.

Throughout the whole date, I tried to act like I was enjoying it, and at first, that's exactly what I was doing. Acting.

But after a little while, I started to see that Connor was just as skeptical of this as I was, yet he was trying to make the best out if it, the exact opposite of what I was trying to do. He was kind, funny, and just an all-around good person. I wish that I could say that for myself, but I can't.

Connor was-is-a very attractive boy, or man I guess I should say, seeing as he's 21. But I don't, and won't, like him. I won't allow myself to.

I won't care about him. I don't.

See, with my profession, it's all about fake smiles, fake happiness, and pretending to be someone else. My current job exemplifies and exaggerates those exact characteristics. Looking back, I wish I had never chosen to be a model. Or an actress. Because the constant act of being someone who I am not is extremely tiring. I don't like having to always keep up and act like I'm happy and joyful.

Like tonight, I was supposed to act like Connor's happy girlfriend. I nearly completely slipped up and ruined the whole act, but I thankfully recovered.

So many times I will slip up and regret it, but I regret nothing more than who I am. I'm not Grace Harley, the H&M cover girl. I'm not Grace Harley, the breakout actress. I am not Grace Harley, Connor Franta's new girlfriend.

I'm just Grace Harley.

If it wasn't for my dad, I wouldn't have to be who I'm not. But seeing as he's the head of Our2ndLife's management team, I hardly had a choice.

*****

When I wake up, I go through my normal routine. Showering, styling my hair, putting on makeup, and choosing a high-fashion outfit for the day. Hardly ever do I have a day where I can just sit at home and relax. There's always some new photo shoot, some new appearance, or some new meeting.

I have a feeling now that I have a "boyfriend," that my free time will just lessen even more.

I grab a purse that matches my outfit before literally dumping my purse's contents from last night into it. I really don't have the time to try to organize it and honestly, I don't care.

I don't care about a lot of things lately. I don't really have the chance to. With my schedule, and my forced happiness, what do I have time or energy to care about? Not much.

As I walk out the door to go to a meeting with H&M photographers, I get a text. And who else for it to be from than the one person I probably care least about.