SHATTERED/Andy Fowler

Chapter 4: I Need Help

-3 months later-

I wake up to the feeling of someone laying in my bed next to me. I turn over to see Rye asleep. He must have fallen asleep on his 'watch'

Mom and Dad still have all my uncles monitoring me. They all practically live here now because of my stupidity, but that stupidity may happen again, and I need the people there to help me. As much as I don't want to admit it, I need help.

I need to get it from my therapist who is trying his damnedest to get me to open up, but it's just too much. I don't want to open up to a stranger, I need someone I can trust.

I slip out of my bed leaving Rye to sleep, knowing he's probably tired. I grab some clothes, and go take a shower. I slip on a pair of black skinny jeans, a black tank-top, a red leather jacket, red feather earrings and a black booties. 

I braid my hair, then walk back into my room to sit at my vanity and do my makeup. Rye is still sleeping in my bed so I slip out of my room quietly letting him rest. I look around the house seeing that everyone is still asleep. 

I step outside on the balcony and look up at the stars. "I miss you Dad believe it or not. I could use you here to help me right now. It's been a rough year knowing that you're gone." I begin saying. My real dad unexpectedly died last year. 

He passed in his sleep, which was the most peaceful way you could go, but it still sucks really bad. We still don't know what happened but what I do know is that in a time like this he could help me.

I know my dad weren't extremely close after he left, but when he came back he made an effort, and I allowed him back into my life. Now that he's gone all I have for a dad is Brooklyn and Ashton, which I love having them. Ashton knows everything about me, but Brook doesn't.

"Things are so hard right now. I still love Andy, and I know that I shouldn't. How can I not? That man marked me in a way that I can never forget, and now he's gone. Two years dad, and I'm still here hurting as if it was 3 days ago. I spoke with him a few months ago, and we slept together. Yes we had sex, and it was amazing. He told me he still loved me, but I needed to forget him. I needed to move on because my services were no longer needed. He found someone else. He said that he found peace in his first loves death, finally, and now I needed to find peace in the heartbreak he caused me. What do I do? I can't just open up to a stranger about it, and I don't want to actually open up to anyone." I continue, a few tears slipping. 

"Dad I really fucking need you right now. What am I supposed to do? I still haven't found peace in your death, and I haven't found peace within myself. My therapist, he always says to find peace within myself, then it will be easier to come to terms with things, but I can't. I just can't. I don't know how to. Or maybe I do, but I don't want to let go of Andy yet. Do you think I should just get the help I need, and let that person help me let Andy go? Should I just move on, because I feel like if I do then I will forget Andy so bad that it'll be like amnesia. I know that's what I want, but I want to remember the good things. Not the painful ones. I just wish you could give me a sign dad." I say looking out over the horizon. 

Tears are falling as I try to choke back the sobs that escape from my mouth. I haven't broke down like this since the day Andy left me. Only this time I'm not smashing anything. I collapse to my knees putting my head on my thighs as I cry. 

I then feel someone pull me onto their lap, but I can't bring myself to look up at whoever it may be. I cry into whoever's chest hoping that they will take away the pain. 

"Shh babe it's okay. You're alright. It's all going to be okay, the pain will disappear, just breathe." I hear Rye's soft voice. He rubs my back while rocking me. After crying in Rye's shoulder for almost 3 hours, I finally run out of tears. 

I look up at him, his gaze soft and gentle, as if it would break my fragile self. "Thank you." I say.

"For what? Doing what I need to do?" 

"For everything, even saving me from the pool. Saving my life. I just need to figure out if I'm ready to find my inner peace, because I feel like-" 

"It will be an amnesia kind of thing where you remember nothing?. Yeah I stood there for awhile. Babe, I think you know what you need to do. I know you're ready for this, and let me tell you this, if you forget the good times too, then that means none of it was real." He says wiping my tears with his thumbs.

"So you think I should start finding my inner peace, to come to terms with everything?" I ask.

"Yes. And I will be here every step of the way to help you." He replies hugging me again.