July 13th 2014
Today was the day that I realized I have absolutely nobody. I woke up a little down thinking I was just tired but as the day went on felt more and more empty. My friend came to visit me today we had a few laughs, he's my only one yet still I feel so distanced from him. I was happy for an hour but when he left I just went back into my previous state of nothing.
I laid in bed cover over my face trying to lose myself in a book but it didn't fill the hole that I have been feeling for a while now. My bestfriend is no longer my bestfriend. I could feel it coming but the last time I was at her house I took home all of my important stuff because who knows when I'll be back.
I sat in the shower. Literally. I combed my hair and washed my face and sat there pathetically under the water for what felt like hours. I just laid there thinking if I never got out of the shower who would really notice?
If I was going through a tragedy right now or just had a problem to talk about I would have no one to listen and when I realized that it hit me like a wrecking ball. My empty pool party should've probably been a sign that I'm lonely with no one who cares about me and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
