The Professional Lover II (18+) | [Complete]

25 : Numbing It

The return of my numbness was liberating, but the crying still hasn't stopped. I've been trying to sleep for three hours now, but to no surprise, I've been unsuccessful. The only thing I've managed to do is start gnawing on Z's bracelet like I used to do, feeling the small links bend and mold between my molars. I catch myself doing it and pull it from my mouth. I pull it away from me and watch the teddy bear slowly spin back and forth, the tiny, blue stone sparkling in the dim light.

The tiny, blue stone.

Ignorance may be bliss, but my bliss is long gone. Wiping my cheeks, I get up and walk through the living room. 

When I make it to Remy's room, I let myself in without knocking. He's not inside, but the light from the bathroom shines through the ajar door. I climb under his sheets, and relax into the fluffy pillows I always threaten to steal. As I hug one to my chest, I don't feel the usual comfort they bring me. I don't feel much of anything.

Remy walks out of the bathroom tightening the strings of his old pair of gray sweatpants. He looks at me with a concerned expression. "Hey, hon. You okay?"

"Not really." I nuzzle my face further into the pillow.

He frowns and climbs in under the covers without another word. I look away because I can feel the stupid tears still rolling down my cheeks every few seconds. They won't stop. I'm not sure they ever will. His hand strokes over my hair, soothing me like he always does. He cares too much about me, but now I know why.

"I don't hate you, Remy," I tell him. "I shouldn't have said that."

"I know you don't," he whispers, running a thumb over my cheek in a futile attempt to dry it.

I grab his hand with mine and finally look him in the eyes. "No more secrets," I cry. His brow creases as he nods. He looks so guilty, but I feel nothing but numb. I can't blame him for anything. I don't want to anymore. "I mean it, Remy. I can't stand the idea of anything coming between us."

"No more. I promise you."

"You can't keep me away from shit to protect me," I scold him with a wavering voice. "I need to know everything. Even if it hurts."

"Okay."

I settle back on my pillow and stare at nothing. Taking a shaky breath, I calm myself. "It makes so much sense now, but I just don't understand how I never figured it out," I start to say. "Why would they pretend I was theirs? And how did they cover it all up?"

"You know Angelo and Izabela -- two of the biggest hypocrites in the world. They didn't want a teen pregnancy to ruin their wholesome image," he answers. He rolls to his back, tucking a hand under his head. He stares up at the ceiling and explains, "Z said they kept her in the house and homeschooled her when she started showing. She said they never let her leave, even when she gave birth." I shiver though I don't feel cold or afraid. "I'm sure they paid someone off for the paperwork, same as everything else."