Photo Finish

Beadledom

     "Precious did?"
     "Technically Matte did, but it was weird. She called me a second later and was like, 'I need you to come to a party. It'll be fun, but you have to wear a dress.' So I asked her why I needed to wear one. You wanna know what her answer was?"
     "What?" Em asked, disinterested.
     "'Because you look good in pretty clothes.' I mean, yeah, I might, but why should I go to anything her father plans?"
     "Did you ask her that?"
     "I did. She said, 'Because I miss you.' She's a good kid, but who knows what her father's planning?"
     I sat down with a huff. A loud groan escaped my lips and my head came crashing onto the wooden breakfast table. I heard Emilia sigh as well and set down her coffee. There was a minute's pause before anything else was said.
     "Something tells me this isn't the only thing that's wrong."
     I looked up at her with a pout and whimpered. "Nothing..."
     "Spill it."
     I ducked as Emilia threatened to splash the hot joe in my face. Rubbing my hands in front of my face, I replied.
     "Okay, okay. So today Lucas asked me to model with him for his LGBTQ+ concept for some magazine I've never heard of. I swear the director had it out for me! She put me way too close to him!" I hugged myself tightly, thinking back to the events. "First, she had me straddle him." I got serious. "Then had me pin him to the ground!"
     "That's not what's bothering you though," Emilia said before a long sip of coffee.
     "I haven't even gotten to the worst part. The last few shots, he was this close to my face!" I held my fingers about a half an inch apart of each other, my eye peeking through between them. "She had him pin me against the back wall and almost kiss me. He grabbed my chin like this and we looked into each other's eyes. It was so romantic, and I hated it!"
     "Not you didn't."
     My eyes followed my roommate as she stood and took care of her coffee cup.
     "What do you mean? Of course I did!"
     "Then why are you smiling?"
     I gasped and slapped myself in the face. Em leaned back against the kitchen sink with a smirk.  I glared at her, then sighed. I rubbed my head in anger.
     "What is wrong with me?" I asked annoyed.
     "There's nothing wrong with you, Laurraine, we established that this morning. You're experiencing something new." Setting down her coffee by the sink, she made her way around the table to my back and wrapped her arms around my neck. "If anything it's a good thing. We know now that you're not a complete vegetable when it comes to emotions. You have to let the past go. If you keep looking back, it'll keep you from going forward, right?"
     I brought my hands to hers and hung them there. Em hugged me tighter. I sighed, figuring that she was right as she usually was. The evidence was there and it could--and would--be used against me in the Court of Em. 
     "At the end of the day, Ladybug, you're just human," she continued.
     Reluctantly, I nodded. I was only human. I had been suppressing my feelings for so long that I had almost forgotten that when all was said and done, I was just Laurraine Yao. I was a girl that had been single for almost ten years. So many days went by. Why did I not realize?
     "Em, what have I done?" I asked, defeated.
     "I know, Lu, I know. It's going to be okay."
     It was going to be okay, because I had clearly established that I had been ruining my life rather than improving it. I thought that I was protecting myself by keeping my feelings suppressed. It was the exact opposite. I was afraid of being hurt again by someone so I told myself it was for the best rather than facing the reality. I was feeding myself a lie the entire time.
     "Why am I so stupid?"
     Em squeezed me tighter and smushed her cheek against my head. "You aren't stupid. You were just afraid of getting hurt. Everyone is that way, Laurraine. Everyone has fears that they don't want to face."
     'Everyone has fears they don't want to face?' I repeated silently to myself.
     "Hey Em?"
     "Yeah?"
     "I'm gonna wear a dress."
     "What?!"
     "Em, can you come shopping with me?" I asked, turning my head to look at her.
     She looked down at me with an astonished look and nodded a few times. It was finally my time to face my fear. And I was going to do it better than anyone else.