Terminally Abstract

Chapter 14

"I'm drowning in my tears, I'm drowning in my tears again
I can't seem to forget the pain I seem to give
The pain I seem to give, my friend"- XXXTentacion NUMB

I raised my hand to reassure that I was alright, although it seemed as if I was reaching to the tree and the memories it had kept under lock and key.

Only the sun remained in a sea of the pitch black sky, like the moon at midnight.

I lifted my torso, checking my surroundings. There were soft tufts of grass, roots cracking into the earth; yet there was an end to the land. I cautiously peered all around myself to find out that I was sitting on an island, also covered in darkness.

I yelped and clutched a handful of grass; I didn't want to see how big the island was, if it could maintain my weight, so I was afraid to even take another step. If I fell, I had the feeling that I'd fall forever. The thought sent a sickening pinch to my gut.

I couldn't believe my eyes, since the tree was only a few inches away, I climbed the supporting branches. I didn't have to check, for I was right, I was on a deserted chunk of land. I carefully slid down the trunk onto the grass once more and sat down.

"The white light." I mumbled. "Was I...dying? Am I dying right now? I thought I had more time!"

I scratched my head in frustration and peered around once more, obtaining another sickening pinch.

"But, I'm still here?"

As if an answer to my questions, Arthur's face appears in the middle of the darkness. A screen? Like the room of screens?

I watched a puffy eyed Arthur set up a pale breakfast table in front of me.

Am I seeing this in real life?

I looked around the room to find my mother in the corner, holding her mouth with tears dripping from her eyes. She was wearing a bright, weaved bracelet around her wrist. My bracelet.

Scanning the room, bed sheets, curtains, and machines, I looked up and down the soft green room.

I was definitely in the hospital.

"Arthur, what's going on?" I whispered as I sat hopelessly on my tiny island.

"ZZZzzzZZzz."

Arthur stood up from my bed and walked to his laptop placed on a counter.

"He's talking." he muttered to as he faced my mother.

"Really? What does he say? What does my baby need?" my mother cried.

Tears fell from my eyes onto my hands as the stinging pain struck into my heart. She's here. She's...back.

"I don't know. He can't speak now.." Arthur looked to the ground. "Since most of his brain died before the upgrade, he's losing his abilities of sense and movement. That's all I heard from the doctors. I'm not even sure he could see us, and for some reason, I can't connect with his thoughts anymore."

"I can! I can see you, Arthur!" I bawled.

"Oh god." My mother covered her face as her eyes began to water once more.

"We can still save him, help him I mean."

"I know, it's what he would've wanted."

"It is, and don't you forget it, even after this Mrs. Angelo!" Arthur's voice cracked.

My mother chuckled and uncovered her face, showing a small smirk.

"It's Ms. Angelo now, dear."

Arthur showed a shy smile to her and a warm conversation began to rise, yet my tears were still dropping. She did it. She really did it. For me.

"Okay. Ready?"

"I'm ready." my mother spoke.

Arthur wiped his eyes with his dark hoodie and looked towards me again. He walked over and tucked a few pillows behind me, propping my torso up. Then, he placed three items onto the table: acrylic paints, a canvas, and a wet paint brush.

"Paint, you can do it, Michael." Arthur beckoned,"Won't you paint for me one last time?"

A last time?

As if my body was possessed, I picked up the brush and smoothed through the fuzzy tip. Then I began to tap the brush on the blank canvas like a drum.

"He's confused." my mother whispered.

"It isn't him anymore."

Isn't me anymore? The upgrade? No, I just figured myself out, my life and dreams, and I'm not myself? No, I'm not going to end it like this! Move! God damn it, move!

I tried to control my empty right hand, tried gaining the soft cracking of my knuckles, the stretching feel of my tendons. The other hand spilled the paint tin onto the canvas, splattering paint everywhere.

Arthur slowly pulled out his phone and faced it towards me as if he was recording my every movement.

My body was confused by both signals of movement and emotion, sending me another headache.

Damn it! MOVE! But all I could feel was the numbness of my heart. I tried to lift my leg, to remove the canvas. It wouldn't budge.

My headache turned into a migraine, sending pains throughout my face and eyes. It felt as if someone was clutching my head, about to burst. Then, Arthur placed his knees onto my bed and held my hand, softly, as if he were holding a precious object.

"Arthur!" I screamed. My migraine only raged in return.

"Zzzz."

"Shhh. It's okay. Everything is going to be alright." Arthur stroked my hair tenderly, patting my head as if touching a cloud. I didn't want to leave this moment. I wanted to be with him forever. I want to live. I want to live with him along my side.

My tears dripped quicker into the earth. Then, my body rocked uncontrollably. Back and forth until my vision was blurry, my hands scattered throughout the table, sending paints everywhere. They fell with clatters to the floor, and my canvas was in swirls.

"Ma'am, is everything okay in there?" a man's voice asked, rapping on the door.

"Yes, we are just fine!" my mother tried to call out chirpily.

"Shhh. Michael, you're going to be okay." I saw tears rolling off from Arthur's eyes, and he held me tighter, trying to restrain my scrambling. My mother now had his phone, and she too, continued recording.

I tensely threw myself to the headboard of the bed over and over again unwillingly.

I watched my memories flashing in a blur before my eyes.

I saw my mother in a white light, leading me to a store filled with art supplies. She handed a bag towards me and patted my head, while I was only as tall as her hips.

I saw the all time wrestler Henric being praised by all in elementary, with Tracy in the shadows. I saw her following Arthur, admiring everything he did. How much she cherished him, until I came about.

I watched Arthur winning his first game of baseball in middle school , how bright his smile was, and heard the snickers as he pulled me behind the bleachers and gave me the biggest hug, along , with his tears.

I've got to get out!

"Michael, before you go, I just want to say: I l-"

-BLACK-