Terminally Abstract

Chapter 11

"You're my tear, you're my, you're my tear. You're my fear, you're my, you're my fear." - RM, Suga, J-hope Outro: Tear BTS

Churning waters surrounded where ever I ran. There's no place, no land. I'm trapped here, on a boat.

The waves crashed on the wood I stood upon with mystical aggression. It's sea foam color was swallowed by a navy hue, deepening it's sadistic ways. The sky was covered with a sheet of thick foam, sucking every beam of light away from existence.

The sails began to shred, flapping in the whooshing wind, the hazel flooring splintered. The only thing I heard was the water's devastating blows.

Cold. All I felt was cold. Numb. Empty.

The boat had been split into halves, sending me tumbling down it's side. My face smacked hard on the crashing waves, losing sight of my raft. My shoes were weights in the water, pulling me in deeper and deeper. My face barely kept above the surface.

My gasping breaths seemed to echo in this empty space. I felt worthless, useless, even in a time of crisis. I tried to scream for help with my last breaths. It wouldn't have made a difference either way.

The last thing I could remember was the blazing truck.

I was gazing below the surface of the water now, breathing wasn't a part of me anymore.

I couldn't die. That's all I knew.

But I had continued to sink in this Limbo. My feet began to smudge the ocean floor's surface. My boat crumpled under the weight of the water, sinking with a sense of failure. The pressure gave me chest pains to "breathe", heaving in and out. A claustrophobic feel came about, as if I was in a cramped space.

I sighed. I was confused, lost, and utterly alone.

My body turmoil-ed at the thought of loneliness, sending me to a mild panic attack. Salty tears fused with the ocean's, my muffled breaths turning into hard sobs. I couldn't remember anything anymore. I remember the truck, and Arthur. Oh god, Arthur. My tears ran faster.

Why couldn't I die, yet already feel dead inside?

Empty. I don't know what to do. Death sounded much more peaceful than this.

The water was still, the sand a sad yellow, darkened and dirty.

"Useless! Completely useless! Why couldn't you just die?" a voice called out. Statically, crackled, yet bold. I cringed at the words, sending the drop of my heart. It was familiar. It sounded like my own.

I'm not dead yet?

___________________________________

Time passed and my tears faded. With hardly any light, my body insisted to move forward. With persistence, my steps gradually made way into the sand. My heart pulled me with each step, promising a different fate.

I spotted a dim light, a lamp post. At the bottom of the ocean. Along with a small town like my own, covered with a depressing gray.

I ran and I ran. Tears welled up in my eyes, yearning for a sense of false hope. My legs glided in the water. I found a onyx street leading to bunches of houses, with every window light off or blinded.

I blinked, my mother appearing before me. She was younger, healthy, strong.

"Mom?! Mom." my voice croaked. A childlike plea welled up inside me, wanting their mommy.

"Mom!" I cried. I ran towards her, with her arms spread open wide, waiting for an embrace. Her eyes twinkled and she bashfully smiled; my height barely over her own. My arms led to an empty existence, my body running right through her.

My hands scrambled over my body. I turned and watched a younger Michael embracing my mother instead.

"No, mom. I'm here. I'm right here." I bawled. "I'm here, right?"

"Believe me, you don't even exist to her." the voice called out.

"Who are you?!"

No response.

My mother's figure disintegrated, leaving my 2nd grade self alone. He began to sniff, his face turning into a mess of tears. Voices circled around us, of my mother; my father. Then finally, disappearing as well.

Another Michael appeared into existence, standing before me. 1st grader. Shrimpy and pudgy, he spoke:

"Mommy, when I grow up, I wanna be an artist."

"That sounds brilliant, sweetie. You just gotta work extra hard!" I blurted out. I was in the place of my mother from way back then.

The boy giggled and ran into my legs, groping the backs of my knees.

"I wish things would stay the same, mommy." He left.

I collapsed, gasping in realization. These were memories, they are just memories.

"Mommy?"

I screamed as I watched another Michael piece itself together again. I kicked the sand and shifted my weight to my arms.

"Don't be scared, mom. I made this bracelet just for you. We are matching, see?" He raised his chubby wrist to show a similar, orange and neon braided string. He slipped the larger bracelet onto my wrist, glistening with a yellow aura. He disappeared.

I fiddled with the loose strings, admiring the ability of a 1st grader.

"Dad, don't hurt mommy!"

"Welcome home, dad!"

Suddenly, I appeared in a room of screens; not drenched by salty water. There was a compilation of my mother's tears. Every single time she'd ever cried over my rotten father. I watched in awe, looked at her body slowly withering away, her hair deteriorating.

With a sudden flash, the screens merged into one face, Arthur's.

"You can paint for me anytime."

"Michael!" CRASH

-Ambulance sirens-

"Michael, we are gonna get you help, okay? Open your eyes, PLEASE!

"Michael, you're worth everything."

"Come on, just a little bit further and we can win this competition!"

With every line from Arthur, my lips turned into a smile. I felt obsessed with this boy, with every line helping me go a little longer.

CRASH

The screens exploded. Each one, individually. I watched as they popped like fire crackers, sending each into a mess of loose wires and electricity.

"You're not even worth anything he tells you! You're worthless! He only pities you!"

"Leave me alone!"

More voices spoke from the outside.

"He's not gonna make it!"

"Just give him more time."

"We don't have any more time!"

"Fine then, do what you have to do. Save my baby."