She needed to keep herself busy. She couldn't stop. If she stopped the tears would start and she couldn't let him see her vulnerability. Minutes passed and she was still meticulously cleaning the same part of the countertop. She heard that he had followed her into the kitchen but she couldn't turn herself around. She didn't want to see him right now, it would just make things too hard. She had told him to leave. If she was around him any longer she would change her mind and she knows that she can't make him live her life. Taylor heard him sigh from the doorway. She was aware of what was about to come.
"You need to stop" he paused, "Taylor." She could hear the pleading in his voice but she couldn't give in, she needs to stand her ground. Tears started to build in her eyes so she closed them to force the tears to stay where they were. She let her head fall back, showing she wasn't in the mood for this as her hand stilled on the kitchen counter.
She took a deep breath and turned around. Her eyes turned against her as salty tears ran down her cheeks. She was angry. Sad. A bunch of emotions that she couldn't quite fathom. Her hand quickly wiped at her cheek, removing the evidence of her tears, hoping he hadn't seen it, but it was no use. "I don't need to stop, you need to leave." Her voice was monotone, the anger gone but tears still spilt from her eyes. Joe remained in the same spot, clearly neither of them in the mood to listen to each other this morning. She repeated herself, this time, arms flailing in the air and pointing towards the door. "I don't want you here!" As soon as those words left her mouth she could see the damage that she had caused him. Heartbreak was written all over his face as he shut his eyes and his head dropped towards the floor.
"You don't mean that, and I know you don't. I am not going to lie to you, its hurts to hear to say that, but I know you don't mean it." Joe's reply was barely audible, just above a whisper, his head lifting just as he finished off his reply. Their blue eyes locked across the kitchen. He could see the regret in her eyes, the tears streamed down her now red cheeks. Taylor looked away, now finding the tiles in the kitchen of her London home far more interesting than before, her arms folded across her chest. She knew she had hurt him and couldn't bring herself to see the heartbreak in his eyes anymore. A period of silence was cut when Joe spoke again, knowing Taylor wasn't going to say anything anytime soon. "Where did all of this come from?" His voice louder than before but not shouting. "Everything was fine when we went to bed and now its fucking three in the morning and you won't even speak to me." Minutes had passed and there was still no response from her. He took a few steps forwards, prompting Taylor to lift her head from watching the floor. Joe pulled the kitchen stool from by the breakfast bar, the screeching of the metal against the titles deafening in the silence that surrounded the couple. Joe was sat on the edge of the stool, his tracksuit clad legs stretched out in front of him with his arms folded across his bare torso. He raised his eyebrows when he saw that Taylor was looking at him, prompting a response from his girlfriend.
Taylor shrugged her shoulders and her lip quivered, a lump had formed in her throat. She tried swallowing so that the lump would go so that she would be able to speak without sounding weak, but it didn't work. She decided she just needed to bite the bullet and get over it. The longer she waited the harder it was getting for her to tell Joe how she was feeling. She took a deep breath and briefly shut her eyes and reopened them, locking onto Joe's ocean blue eyes. "Last night" she mumbled, her voice somber, "you made a comment" Joe sat up, his arms falling onto his lap, waiting to see where she was going with her statement. He nodded, encouraging her to go on. Taylor hesitated, she knew she was about to open up a can of worms and she was scared of where it was going to lead. "You made a comment about the paparazzi and that there were so many of them and you asked me how I've done it for so long." Joe wanted to interrupt, to try and tell her that she misunderstood what he had said but she rambled. "And it made me realise that I dropped you into this life that you didn't ask for. And you didn't ask for this to become your life, that you'd get hounded just walking from the car to house and that they would shout inappropriate things at you, making you feel uncomfortable" At this point Joe had zoned out on what Taylor was saying and grew worried with the fact that she had yet to take a breath and her arms were waving around and her face even redder than before. He knew that this meant, a panic attack was on the horizon. Joe rapidly jumped to his feet, making his was across to her as quickly as possible, calling her name as he went. As he got within arms distance of her, her flailing arms turned to pounds against his chest, the anger bubbling back through her veins. Joe attempted to catch her arms but it was no use, she was moving at lightening pace. Going with his second option, Joe looped his arms around the singers back, trapping her arms between them. The hitting stopped but the breakdown truly started.
Joe could feel Taylor's body begin to crumble in his arms so he held her tighter, hoping that he could hold her together. "Taylor, my angel, you need to breathe with me or you're going to make your self pass out" He spoke into her hair just above her ear, hoping he could help her through this. He spun them around so that he was leaning up against the counter and took the weight of her body. The sobs continued as he ran his hand up and down her back, knowing that he couldn't really do much else for her than just hold her. She needed to get through it herself. Taylor tried to get away from his grip, she tried pushing hum away but Joe stood and held onto her, his strength overpowering her attempts, having a one sided conversation with himself while her hysterical cries turned into hiccups. Minutes rolled on and Joe untangled his arms from around her slender frame and bought his hands to rest on her reddened cheeks, his thumbs stroking stray tears that fell from her eyes.
Joe placed a gentle kiss upon her forehead as her eyes fluttered shut and then opened as he brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Please just listen to what I am going to say and then if you still want me to leave then I will, but I truly hope you will change your mind." Joe whispered as he took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled as he ran his hand through his hair briefly. "I want to be in your life because I am so in love with you it actually hurts." Just as Joe was about to continue when he was interrupted, "Why?", and even with their proximity he didn't hear what she had said, "Pardon?" This time Taylor spoke louder, "I need you to tell me why. I'm not worth all of this hassle, you don't need this in your life so why do you chose to stay?" Her eyes lingering on his bare chest as her arms hung lifeless next to her.
Joe's voice went from soft to firm, portraying to her just how much he meant the words coming out of his mouth. "I'm in love with you because you look so pretty when that sun hits your blue eyes, and the stars shine brighter when you're around. I love you because you kink your eyebrow when you are trying to be cute and that you care for everyone, regardless of who they are and even if they don't deserve it. And there is so much to believe in when it comes to you. And your smile makes it look like flowers could grow. And because you are home and an adventure all at once." Tears built up in both of their eyes as a small smile crept upon her face, satisfied with his answer. But to Taylors surprise, he continued, "Because if I am only able to get one thing right in my life I want to be able to make you laugh as loudly as you can and make sure that you never have to worry about the repercussions of your happiness. Because you deserve the world, Taylor, and I want to be able to give that to you. Because the pain of this life that we share is inevitable, but the suffering is optional. I choose to live this life with you. I knew who you were before and I still choose you. And all I want right now is to give you a good reason to believe that we are worth fighting for. I want this life with you."
Tears streamed down both of their faces. Taylor looked at Joe, biting on her lower lip until a huge grin spread across her face. She pushed herself up onto her toes and threw her arms around the love of her life. Her lips landed on his and she could taste a mixture of their salty tears. They both smiled into the kiss and pulled away when air became a problem. Their foreheads rested against each other, eyes closed with huge smiles plastered on their faces. "You didn't have to say all that, but I really, really appreciate that you did. Thank you for loving me the way you do." Taylor spoke softly even though they were the only two around. "I'm so in love with you too." Taylor said before placing a delicate kiss on his lips. Joe removed his hands from Taylor's cheeks and pulled her in for a hug, smelling her strawberry shampoo. She turned her head and buried her face into the crook of her neck, content to stay there forever.
His fingers twirled a strand of her blonde hair around, he too didn't want to ruin the moment but it was nearly five in the morning and neither of them had really slept properly. "My angel," Joe broke the silence, "Lets go back to bed," he whispered against her head. "Mm," was all that Taylor replied, already half asleep in his arms. He left out a breathy laugh and pushed himself off of the counter, "No Joe, stop moving" She protested against his movements. Joe removed his arm from around his girl friend and picked her up bridal style. Manoeuvring themselves around the kitchen, Joe was careful not to hit her against anything. Once reaching the bed in the master room, Joe carefully lay her down and pulled the duvet over her, a sigh of contentment falling from her tired lips. He walked around the bed and got in himself, curling up behind Taylor as sleep quickly started taking over his body.
"Thank you for staying" He heard her say in the darkness.
"I'll always choose you. And keep choosing you, every single day."
