CasDean? DeanCas? Destiel.

Chapter One

A long ass drive down a long ass stretch
of road. Cas in the backseat as usual. Metallica blaring, miles of open road ahead. Dean behind the wheel, calm, in his natural state, in his baby with his family.
The road is like therapy, hell, better than therapy. Every therapist Sam and Dean have ever been to have been off their rocker, insane. Well, that Dean's aware of anyway. Granted they've usually been connected to strings of killings in one way or another. Maybe they just need to try again, get a bigger sample size, a normal group of average, run of the mill therapists. Ones that aren't attempting to kill them. Ones that are trying to help them. Through their trust issues. Help them with their PTSD. Past the trauma of abandonment and abuse in their formative years. Free them from their codependency. Get them through their addictions. Aid them to express their grief in healthy, not chugging alcohol ways. Maybe Team Free Will should see a therapist, an honest to God... well, an honest to Chuck, wholesome, just trying to help therapist. It could be just what they need.  They could use years of therapy after how many apocalypses they've stopped short.
Cas catches his eye in the rearview. It appears he's been staring for a while. Dean stares back for just a bit. Just long enough to focus on Cas' scruff. His face is not quite unshaven. Little hairs reside on his chin and his upper neck. Just long enough to imagine how those short hairs would feel against Dean's hand. Dean's neck as Cas kissed it, maybe left a mark. Dean's face when they kissed. Baby starts to drift off the road.
"Dean!", Sam warns.
"What! What?", Dean snaps back to reality and gets back on the road.
Dean's trying to concentrate, but how can he when Cas is staring like that? His bright blue eyes feel piercing even through the obstruction the mirror grants. Though sharp, this gaze is one of familiarity, examination, and love, Dean knows this somewhere inside of him. Brotherly or otherwise, this makes Dean feel safe. "God Cas, stop staring" he almost wants to say, but he doesn't really want it to stop.
Dean seems out of it. He keeps glancing at Castiel for seemingly no reason. Cas watches his expressions change, the way his brow furrows when the sun glares just right and hits his eyes making them greener than Cas thinks they've ever been. The way Dean bites his lip as he looks in his rearview to find Cas' eye, Cas notices, hell, Sam notices, but Dean doesn't seem to. If he had, he would have stopped. He always stops. Those perfect lips. Damn. Castiel just continued staring. Dean glanced over every few seconds, almost too often for Sam. Sam, however, has learned to ignore such subtleties as these. Especially after last time, he attempted to bring it up.
It's been a while, more than a year. No, it was just last Christmas. No, not on Christmas, near Christmas. Whatever, they had just finished up a case and Sam thought it would be nice to hang mistletoe up around the bunker. Boy, was he mistaken.
"Sam, who is that for, there's only me, you, and Cas here." Dean interrogated
"What is the objective of mistletoe?" queried Castiel.
Sam explained mistletoe to Cas. Cas believed he knew what Sam was up to. He was right.
"What, are trying to make an excuse to kiss Cas, eh Sammy," Dean asked.
"No Dean, don't be absurd. If Gabriel were here I wouldn't doubt that he intended to use the mistletoe for himself. But no, this isn't for his own personal gain, " Cas stated.
" It's taking too long. You and Cas are obviously into each other. Hell, you've been in love for years. I thought I'd just jump start this thing already because you guys aren't going anywhere with this, " Sam explained.
"Sam, I'm not gay. I'm not in love with Castiel. Sam, I liked women. There's no way I would have fucked this many women if I was gay. I have never been and I never will be. Stay out of my affairs and go meddle with your own relationships. I know, ever since Gabriel died, things have been tough on you, but if you're looking for entertainment go to a bar get stupid drunk and get laid. Stop trying to push an unwanted twist on Cas and my relationship and stop trying to push your little gay agenda on me." Dean ranted.
"I'm sorry and you're right Dean. You're not gay... you're bi. I will ignore the 'gay agenda' remark for now, but only because you said it out of fear and a bit of anger with your future and with me." Sam retorted.
"I've never been the best with keeping up with human culture, but bisexuals can like any gender right? As long as someone likes two or more genders they are considered bisexual?" asks an always curious Castiel.
"Yeah, Cas. That's right, buddy." says a still riled Sam looking straight into Dean's eyes as he answers Cas.
Dean got very mad extremely quick and stopped talking to Sam for the whole Christmas season. After that, Sam has kept his meddling more subtle, just enough to try and nudge them, but not too much to piss Dean off.
Dean wouldn't like him bringing it up now though so, Sam decides against poking at it. They'll talk when they're ready. This is torturous for all of those involved, they've been this way for years and have done nothing about it. This is what drove Sam to comment before. Dean's more mature now, Sam weighs, maybe he can handle it. On the other hand, Dean has never been the best about his sexuality. Sam thinks he just tries to drink the gay away, which is in many ways similar to praying the gay away but, obviously, Chuck never cared if someone liked guys. Chuck is pansexual anyway, but Dean was never the religious type anyway, so who cares what Chuck thinks, or thought before he abandoned his own freaking creation to run off with his sister, Amara. Amara even saw what was going on between Dean and Cas, which is part of the reason she knew she could never have Dean. Dean just denies his sexuality. He has this internalized self-homophobia that he can't get past. It's like he doesn't realize that he can like guys and girls. He's always been into girls, but he's obviously been into guys since forever. Sam thinks he's been with a guy before. Nothing serious, just casual hookups, but that's Dean for you, with girls as well. Most of his partners have been drunken one night stands.  Dean needs more than that, not to mention he needs to get past his horrible alcoholism. The longer he does this the longer he'll be unhappy. The longer he can't admit he's in love with Castiel, the longer he'll be miserable so, no. Not yet. Neither of them are there right now. They'll get there, on their own. Sam just has to be patient and hope they can take this time to get used to the idea. Castiel isn't even a man, angels are genderless. His vessel, Jimmy Novak, is a man and that's the only reason Dean isn't in a happy loving relationship with his angel yet. They'd be so happy together. If they could just break this barrier between them. The tension they carry with them every day broken and they just do what should have been done soon after they met. Knowing Dean, he'd probably be up on that the same night they met.
Chuck, Dean, stop that, you have to drive. No, Dean, not now. Cmon ew no. Cas' lips aren't extremely kissable and his tie doesn't make you want to pull him towards you with it and place your forehead on his and place one soft kiss on his lips, look into his eyes for encouragement, and start kissing him slowly, then cascade into a hot passionate and fiery embrace. You don't think that. You don't want to kiss him. That's just gay. You're not gay. Remember all those women. All of those hot, gorgeous, busty, women. See, you're straight, that's how it works. You like women, you're straight, it's that simple. All of that "bisexuality" crap Sam talks about isn't real. And anyway, he's your best friend. Focus. Shit, pothole. Ow. Dean bit his lip. Wait, was he biting his lip this entire time? Is Sam staring? He knows. How could he? Dean never told anyone anything. He always kept all of his feelings locked up and basically threw the key into the Empty where he could never get it because it's the one place that beings go after death that Dean has never been. Even if the key was in another universe it would find it's way back to him. After going through literally Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory, he just kept all of his anger and frustrations packed away. He's not even safe to express himself in his own mind, with every feeling and thought shunned, he's bound to break again at some point. He wouldn't say anything. Not after last time.
Dean's mind goes wild with all of the dirty, unspeakable acts he would perform on and undressed Castiel. Just watch the road. Dean rambles on and on, suppressing intrusive thoughts and tries to maintain focus.
Dean looks great, he already changed into his monkey suit. According to the paper, this guy, Phil O'Malley, was found dead in his apartment, missing some pieces. They'll start at the coroner's office to take a gander at whatever's left of the guy, but who can think about a dead guy when Dean's that gorgeous. Honestly, damn.
Just Damn, Dean looks hot in that suit. Cas thinks about kissing Dean on his cute little forehead. He thinks of licking the sharp edge of Dean's harsh jaw. He thinks of biting Dean's neck, and his collarbone. He stops; this isn't the time.
Cas is looking. He's wearing his trench coat. Despite the bagginess of the coat, Cas still looks really freaking amazing. His tie is backward, as usual. The blue tie brings out the blue of his eyes. Those gorgeous eyes. Dean bites his sore lip, thinking of Cas' touching that very spot. He wouldn't mind the soreness so much if only another pair were pressed against his own. Not any other pair. Cas' lips. He revels in that thought for a few seconds.
"Dean, that was the coroner's office," Sam says.
"Huh?" Dean grunts.
"You passed the mortuary, Dean," came Cas' gruff voice from the back.
Dean loves when Cas talks, but he won't ever admit it. His voice has a certain resonance. A deep tone, the base of it contains something that drives Dean wild. It's Cas' voice. Maybe that's what makes the gruffness so damn sexy. It's the voice that carried Dean through purgatory. The voice he heard shouting his name whenever he got hurt. The voice that said that he loved them and that their family whenever they reunite. That's why Dean loves Cas. Cas' voice... that's why Dean loves Cas' voice... um... likes... likes Cas' voice.
"Oh crap," Dean says as it dawns on him what's being said and he snaps back into the reality of his situation.
"Turn here and circle back" Sam helpfully chimes in.
Dean navigates back onto the highlighted route Sam had on his phone. When they find their way back to the coroner's, Sam still has to change into his fake FBI clothes. Sam steps into a local gas station and uses its facilities to get his suit of his freakishly tall body and broad shoulders. He couldn't go in and claim to be FBI in his jeans and flannel.
Sam steps into the small gas n' sip. The place almost feels surreal. The bright fluorescent lights that make it impossible to tell what time it is. All of the processed foods stocked on the shelves. Sam doesn't like it when Dean shoves all of that crap down his throat. When he comes back out they go into the coroner's office.