A Long Way To Okay

Chapter: Two

My father woke me ten minutes ago since we have to go to church. It is still quite early in the morning. I am wearing a plain light blue top with a pair of black jeans. I decide to wear a white cardigan over it.

'Let us go, Olivia.' My father calls me from downstairs.

I quickly go downstairs and put my converse on. My father gives me a smile, which shows his straight white teeth. Making our way towards the car, I feel a little nervous. Even though I ride the car every Sunday, I still feel a little bit uncomfortable and scared. My father drives very slowly because he understands me. He knows how I feel every time I ride in a car.

'Do you want to go shopping afterwards?' Dad suddenly asks. I turn my face towards him. As I am about to disagree to it he cuts me off.

'Good. I also have to buy some stuff.'

I don't reply to it. I really don't want to go shopping. The day before the car accident, my mother and I had gone to some shopping malls to have a day to ourselves. I had enjoyed each and every moment of it.

My mother used to call it 'The bonding time'

Dad slowly drives and makes the way to the church and parks the car in the parking lot. I am about to get out of the car when my father calls out my name.

'Olivia, dear, for how long will you run away from the things you used to do with your mother? You have to move on, kid. You should give all those things a chance. Do all the things you used to do before...' He trails off. But I know what he was about to say. Before mom died. I know. I am trying. I once tried to cook again but it resulted in me not getting out of my room for two days.

Everything I do reminds me of my mother. She taught me everything. How can I forget her? Whatever I do, where ever I go. I just can't forget the way she talked, the way she smiled, the way she walked, the way she laughed. I haven't forgotten anything about her.

I sigh loudly and rub my forehead. I can already feel a lump at the back of my throat.

'Before what dad? What were you about to say? Before she died? I know. And I am trying. I am trying so hard to cope with it move on. But I cannot. I am weak, I know. But I just need some time. It is just that everything reminds me of her. Even you. The way she used to talk about you. She used to tell me so many stories about you that I can't even look at your face with her voice ringing in my ears.

'It is all my fault, dad. If it wasn't my birthday we would not be coming to meet you in a restaurant. You would have come home straight away. It's all my-'

I couldn't go any further as I broke down and started crying. The hot salty tears came rolling down uncontrollably. My father gets out of the car and I could see him coming towards my side. He opens door and gently takes me in his arms. I hug him back. I can't stop crying but at the same time, I feel so safe in his arms.

He kisses my forehead and stats comforting me with his comforting words. I feel sorry for snapping at him earlier. I want to apologize but I just cannot stop crying. He rubs by back soothing and keeps hugging me tightly. I return his hug.

After forty minutes or so, I start to calm down. My father didn't leave my side at all but just kept hugging me. I feel so lucky that I have such an understanding dad. I do not know that what I would do without him.

'You want to go inside Olivie?' My father uses the silly nickname he gave me when I was a kid. I chuckle a little at that. My father smiles at me and holds my hand.