Alone

Chapter: 19 // dopamine •

"Hey, you." I feel his hands cup my waist from behind me, he presses his jawbone against my cheek and plants a feathery kiss on my chin. The corners of my lips turn up automatically; he starts a smile on my face with the smallest of efforts. I rinse off my last soapy dish and wring my hands with a towel before turning to front him, my hands gravitate to his brown soft hair that has passed his jaw, now. His greens wander around before they land on my browns, butterflies wing about like it's the first time again.

"What?" I say softly, blushing too hard. His dimples pop when he smiles, he pulls me closer as if we weren't already.

"Junior found my stick, this morning." I laugh, poke his dimples with my fingers.

"Oh yeah? Is he any good?"

"Of course he is, he's my son!" I roll my eyes playfully, thump him in the chest softly.

"Our son." He smirks, and I can faintly hear Benjamin Jr. out back thrashing his father's stick around, grunting and hollering. The hairs on my arms raise at the nostalgia, my eyes close and the memories play on the back of my closed eyelids like a movie. I open them again and Benjamin is staring at me intently, his face softens a bit when I start to smile again. "Mmm..." I moan.

"Mm what?" He forces a laugh, his big eyes dance back and forth at me. I run my thumb over his lips and he closes his eyes this time, probably watching the same movie as me a moment ago.

"Reminds me of his uncle, too." He opens his eyes, and the movie's over. Suddenly, he grows somber. Benjamin doesn't talk about Henry as much as he used to. After a year, after Negan died, after the war was over, everyone practically split up and went their own ways. BJ and I went scavenging and lucked upon an RV, then we decided to travel to Indiana and settle down. Benjamin Jr. was born on the road, we bivouacked on the north side of Indiana state and by the time Benjamin Jr. was born, we had moved into a quaint house on a ranch and raised the surviving but starved animals like we raised our son. I always wonder why Henry didn't come with his big brother, but after the war everyone and everything changed. Relationships formed and some ended, we had differences of opinions about how to run things at Hilltop, Alexandria, the Kingdom, leadership was lost.

"He's strong like you. He's got your eyes." He looks at the floor with big sad eyes, deep in thought. I grab his chin and turn it so our faces meet, press my forehead against his warm one and kiss his soft lips. Every other kiss elicits the same feeling as the first, when we were sat outside the Kingdom and he asked if I would miss him and he kissed me. He's taller than me so he has to crane his neck down, his shoulders forward and hands above my waist. He lifts me up and I hop on the counter, our heads at level, then the front door swings ajar and Junior comes running inside with BJ's stick, shouting something incoherent.

BJ pulls away, he's at Junior's side in seconds. Benjamin Jr. inherited BJ's light brown hair, warm rosy skin, sense of humor, and adorable smile. He has my brown eyes and strong-willed nature among other things. BJ takes the stick from his small grip and gently grabs him by the shoulders, their heads level.

"B, what's going on, buddy?" He asks, and three-year-old Benjamin tucks his chin in his chest, his round brown eyes brimming with tears and he hugs himself.

"Monster," he says softly, but loud enough for the two of us to hear. BJ glances at me over his shoulder with an all too familiar look. He nods as if to say he's got it and I scoop up Benjamin Jr. and hold him on my hip as BJ grabs his stick and walks out the door, shutting it behind him. I comfort Benjamin. BJ put his stick up after we settled down in the house because he wanted to close that chapter in his life temporarily and focus on being a father. As it turns out, though, those chapters are one in the same. He'll use it every now and again when it's necessary, but for the most part he's working on being a good father. He never uses it in front of Junior.