Going for Broke

Chapter 16

Blaine is frying vegetables over the stove when Santana comes home. "Hey," she calls from the hallway, and strolls into view, tossing her jacket over the chair and bounding up to him. "What are you making?"

"Pasta," he answers, gesturing at the pot boiling in the other corner of the stove.

"Gross," she says, and Blaine reaches over his shoulder to whack her. She dances back and glares at him. "Hitting a lady?"

"You're no lady," Blaine tells her with a smirk, and she flips him off coolly before grabbing a kitchen chair and straddling it. "How was work?"

"Ugh." She drops her forehead into her hands. "You would not believe the number of assholes I have to deal with on a daily basis."

"You work as a receptionist."

"Exactly. Travel agents are dicks." She studies the nails on her left hand. "Seriously. They all act like you only worse."

"Thanks Santana."

"Hey, no problem. I'm gonna change." She stands up, and dances forward a few steps to press a kiss to Blaine's cheek before darting away.

Blaine finishes frying the vegetables, and smiles when he hears Santana's singing drifting over from the other room.

It's getting somewhat easier, living like this. He learns Santana the same way he learned Kurt, and she learns him back, that special language of small gestures and eyebrow twitches. Small touches, tangles of arms and legs and laughter.

Some days, it's even alright to talk about Brittany. It's okay for Santana to talk about the woman she went on a date with last Friday—some girl named Majerie—and talk about how it's okay for her to get out and experiment for the first time since high school. Other days, Santana can ask about Kurt, can ask about Blaine's family, and it doesn't hurt, not so much, because he knows Kurt is coming back for him, and his parents try.

Blaine moves over to stir the pasta. It reminds him of the first time he cooked with Kurt, back on Darling Place. He remembers when Kurt told him about the god Hephaestus and his fall to Lemnos. Cast down from Olympus only to be nursed back to health.

He wonders where Kurt is now.

Because of course with every good day, there are the days where every thought of Kurt makes Blaine feel sick to his stomach with worry, where the mention of Brittany sends Santana off into the bathroom for hours on end on the pretense of doing her nails, when Blaine really knows she's crying. And when those days happen, that careful friendship they're building seems to shake, and the cracks reappear, highlighting just how incredibly fragile this entire things really is. The cracks that Kurt managed to cover up, dangerous.

Blaine can never be sure what kind of day it is.

Those times when they're both lonely are the worst. Then, even though they might sit by side, they might as well be all alone in the universe, and nothing can bring them back.

***

Tonight, with Santana singing as she changes into sweatpants and Blaine channeling his energy into cooking, is a night when they're both marginally okay, or at least as okay as they can be. Blaine is sure that's why Santana brings it up.

"It's May," she says, not glancing up from her plate.

"I know." Blaine scoops some more salad into his bowl and adds the dressing.

"He said he'd be back in May," she reminds him.

"I know that too."

"When..."