Spineless

blk grl bluuus

Blk Grl Bluuus

every time I've thought I caught my footing
Loss puts me back in my place
people always say Karma is a bitch
but Loss is a motherfucker

and I'm tired, you know
exhausted of dealing with the same fucking shit, the same struggle, the same kinds of people
hanging on me, pulling on me, wanting from me, wanting me
I can not fucking breathe

Nothing has changed for me
Life has never been easy for me
The odds are stacked against me
And I will forever bear this cross
I will forever wear this skin
I will forever carry these sins

I've drowned myself in stories, in lives, in words that do not belong to me
Attempted to escape my reality by slipping in to pages of a book that is not my own
I am so fucking sick of my reality
I need a goddamn blunt

I want to float away from here
Wish to be wrapped in the arms of loves lost
Long to be gone, to be away
Ancestors I beg of you, show me the path
Tell me the secrets
The ways to survive discomfort
To live despite the obstacles

Or show me how to drown
Whisper to my spirit how you abandoned your wives, your husbands, your children, your tribes
How you gathered the courage to bury yourself in foreign sea
I will not survive without you

I do not wished to be saved
neither by Man or God
is there really a difference
God is love
love I know, is expressed through Man with fists
through handprints imprinted into cheeks

and I do not wish to be loved
I've grown accustomed to isolation
used to the freedom that comes with being alone
used to the protection that never confiding in others has offered me
I am so fucking sick of my reality.