Spineless

If I had Another Chance

I'll be the first to admit
I know nothing about love
I've never been good
at allowing myself to feel
I've always been good
at hiding, at pretending, in blending in the background

And I knew I wasn't enough
knew I could never been enough
I'm too afraid, too broken
too ugly, too scarred, too dark
I've been hurt by love
by those
Who've loved me, who claimed—
to love me

And you deserve more
Than to be just a fuck
You deserve to be somebody's first love
You deserve more than to be spoiled
by my ruin
You deserve a fairytale ending

So I let you go without a fight
I held my silence, didn't speak
couldn't speak,wouldn't dare speak
If I had another chance. . .

I would linger
I was terrified, scared to touch you
secretly you bodied
my soul comes alive with the revelation
the means of which I've come
to acquire that knowledge
I wanted to touch you

Wanted to smooth my hands
across your chest
Rub my thumb around your nipples
Run my fingers tips from your chest
down the length of your torso...
and further still

If I had another chance
I would ask "Can I touch you?"
You deserve to have your body worshipped
You deserve to be marveled at
to be opened up
your waters are pure
your forbidden fruit is sacred
my tongue is the gospel
and this is the rapture

If I had another chance
I would give more of myself
You deserve to be blessed
You deserve the world

But I don't and I didn't
I'm not your Knightress in shining armor
just a little girl, hiding beneath all this metal
hiding behind this womanhood
and I'll let go without a fight
You deserve more