They Call Me Rebel

Chaos

The past couple of days I haven't seen Jacin. Saying it's been hard has to be the understatement of the decade. I miss him and my nightmares have come back with vengeance. Leaving me with little to no sleep and and Tyler has been getting my coffee so I didn't risk running into him. He wanted to use me to get back at Barren. He could have just done it and gotten in over with instead of kicking my heart around like it's a hacky sack. 
My head has been a chaotic mess thinking about what I lost track of and the distraction I thought loved me. I mean he's never said it to me but it's what helps me sleep at night. And that was before I knew I was a gateway to Barren. I didn't know if I wanted to go talk to him or ignore him till he figures out where I'm at.
Tyler has been taking care of me for the past couple days. From forcing food down my throat and holding me while I cry, Tyler's been there. I haven't been a good friend to him since Jacin came along. When I met him I forgot about everything and everyone else. Great another sob session. I had thought I ran out of tears a while ago but Tyler has been good at keeping me hydrated. I don't know how to thank him but I think I need to talk to Jacin. I have to at some point right?
Taking a few deep breathes to try and recover from my recent downpour I tried to call for Ty but no sound came out. Before I could try again there was a knock at the door and I couldn't hear Ty's light footsteps. I slowly stood up trying to avoid a head rush and waddled to the door wrapped in the fluffiest blanket Ty owns and a shirt of his I opened the door to none other than the man of the year. Jacin Kinde. Fantastic.
"REBEL!"
I didn't answer. He looked like a wreck. His usual fluffy red hair was matted down and greasy and his bright emerald eyes are now a dull army green. He was paler than usually and it looks like he hasn't changed or sleep since I left. I heard a whisper come from his chapped lips and I looked up for a brief second and walked away. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I couldn't, not yet I needed more time. Before I could get out of his line of sight I felt a hand on my elbow.
"Rebel....Rebel please don't walk away"
"Give me a good reason why I shouldn't?"
"Because I can tell you're as messed up as I am about this"
"So what? I'm a wreak yea I know, so are you, everythings a freaking mess, welcome to reality"
"You know what I mean Reb, please"
"Please what Kinde. What do you possibly want from me now? Want me to out him? Want me to share my theory without proof. Make myself look insane in hopes that he'll lose a few supporters?"
"Reb-"
"No Jay I'm not ready to talk to you yet. I thought I had found someone who understood me but now it just seems like it was all fake. Like you just wanted an in on my connections. Like everyone else, you hide your true intentions and now look where we are"
Jay looked down at his feet. My words seemed to hurt him more than I thought they would. Before I could take it back I attempted to shut the door he stepped inside and pinned me against the wall next to the door.
"I didn't come here so you can point out all I did wrong. I came here to apologize, I came here to make things right. I came to make sure you're okay even thought I know I'm the one who hurt you. Rebel please? Are you okay?"
"I can't answer that"
"Why?" He whispered. If he wasn't so close I wouldn't have heard it. The desperation in his voice made it crack and I looked up.
"...because I'm not sure I know what 'okay' is anymore" after the words left my mouth the world faded to a blurred mess and my legs gave out.