Best Friends with Benefits

[Fifteen]

{Clary}

"Here we are," i carry Emma in her car seat through our front door "Welcome home Ems." She gurgles, her chubby pink face the only thing visable in her multi-coloured all-in-one fleece. A present from Isabelle.

I kick the door behind me closed and place her gingerly on the floor by the couch while i take my coat off and unwrap my bag from around me, abandoning it on the couch. A letter by the door catches my attention and i retrieve it, groaning and smile down at my girl.

"Two seconds sweetheart. Then we'll get you down for a proper sleep." She has no idea what i'm saying but squeaks regardless as she often does.
I peel the envelope open and slip out a little white card with a giraffee on it.
'Welcome home baby girl!' It reads.

Inside it is typed 'For baby Emma.' and a stack of bills adding up to a grand total of five hundred dollars.

There are only three people i speak to little enough to send it, however i highly doubt it's from either of them considering my dad and Jace hated me and Dylan had been told to stay away.

Regardless i smile and tuck the cash back inside picking up my girl to take her into the bedroom.

I tuck the card into my underwear drawer with one hand and place her chair on the bed, unclipping it and carefully lift the little munchkin in my arms. I'd given birth to her just over a week ago and Isabelle had insisted on me staying with her for the extra help but i was a mother now. I had to do this alone at some point.

It's an incredible feeling, knowing that this little creature came from you, that they're a part of you always and forever no matter what. It's a love i had never experienced before, like this person was genuinely a part of myself. It was also fucking terrifying.
It was my responsibly to protect and raise her into a good, honest person.
One wrong move and i could ruin her.

At the minute though all she needed was a good sleep and that i would grant her. I carefully set her on the bed and unzip her all-in-one and free her from it. She lies in just her baby grow and i adjust her gloves so she doesnt scratch herself while she grunts like she's already falling asleep and i move her ever so slowly into her crib in the corner of the room, tucking her in.

I watch her as she falls asleep and notice the little things about her facial structure and light wisps of hair that just scream Jace. She really was graced with marvellous genes on her fathers side even if she may never know it. She's asleep in minutes, her face scrunched up and her arms waving slightly and i race for my phone in the livingroom terrified that it'll wake her up again.

By the time i've succeeded in digging it out of my bag i've missed the call from my mother. I hadn't heard from her all week regardless of the evidence she had claimed she had found and hit the 'call back' button.

She answers immediately.
"Clarissa, are you home? I'm headed there now."

"Yeah, i've just got back." I tell her and look around the livingroom wondering what she would have done if i wasn't back yet.
"See you in a few minutes then." The call is cut off rather abruptly and i realise she must be driving.

A silence settles over the house i'm not used to. Purely because i can't hear any music from next door, because Jace isn't spread across my couch laughing or watching me tidy the place. He had always done that, sat contently watching me live. It was like his presence had noise, like there was no way to ignore him even when he was silent, even when he wasn't in the same room it comforted me to know he was always there.

Listening to his door shut in the morning was better than this. At least it gave me the illusion that things were normal. That he cared enough to be near me. Jace and I had lived across the hall from each other since college. Sharing rooms opposite each other in the house we shared with the Lightwoods.