Tfios (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 7

February 23rd - Day 38

I woke up with a start, head spinning, chest heaving, and my entire body slick with sweat. I shot up in bed, my heart pumping frantically in my chest, too fast, never fast enough. 

Sitting there with the sheets tangled up in my limbs was like a nightmare that I couldn’t shake off, A bad dream that started the moment I woke up. I felt my neck, fingers brushing my swollen throat with a wince that had nothing to do with pain.

God please not again. I can’t do it again.

It was dark in my room, shadows that shifted and crawled up to the foot of my bed. I thought about calling for Liam, making him come and hold me until it was alright, but I didn’t want to worry him, make him look at me with that stupid Liam face that was worse than all the im sorrys in the world. 

I reached up and ran my fingers through my hair, tugging desperately at the strands, pulling them out in my fingers and wanting to scream and scream and never make a sound again. I was ripping apart and forgetting how to breath and fuck not again not again.

I scrambled for my phone, holding it in shaking fingers and knowing the only person I could really call.

Please pick up.

I need you

please.

His voice cut off the third ring, soft and sleepy and softening the panic in my bones. “Louis.”

“Talk to me please.”

Covers rustled on the other side, and I heard his breath through the line. There were no whys or what’s wrongs or are you okays, just slowly and sure: “What do you want me to say?”

“Anything.”

He paused, clearing his throat and humming softly into the receiver as he thought. “I could sing to you. Would that be okay?”

“That’s perfect.” I rolled onto my side, clutching my pillow to my stomach and staring out into the night, the small slit in the curtain letting the moonlight and streetlights melt in.

“You and I, two of a mind.” He began quietly, his singing voice just like his speaking voice in a melody, gravely and low and a little bit beautiful. “This loves, one of a kind…”

I let the swirling air in my room brush across my flushed cheeks as I sank into the sound of his voice. I wanted to see him, to crawl up next to him and bury my head in his neck and not have to think. But this, holding the plastic of my phone to my ear and listening to him, was enough calm my heartbeats.

It was like a lullaby, his voice, his breathing and mine as he took the verses and the chorus in that sweet voice that slid the syllables together and held heavy with sleep.

He finished no louder than he’d began, the last lines nearly fading into nothing as they fell from his lips.

and I will fall for you, if I fall for you, would you fall too?

xx

I woke up at eight in the morning to my alarm and two texts from Harry. I kicked my covers off, feeling my sticky forehead with shaky hands, my hair laying in damp strands across the surface. I let out an uneven sigh, standing up and walking to my small window, tugging the curtains open and staring out onto the street below as I thumbed at my phone.

3:21 Harry

I hope you’re okay.

3:23 Harry