Tfios (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 20

March 31st - Day 73

I spent the rest of the week getting my affairs in order. It was a long process, working my way through my appointments and breaking the news, even with Harry’s help. After showing up in his room Monday evening tired and emotionally drained, he’d insisted on accompanying me, a quiet supportive presence as I worked through the hours. 

It did get easier. I wasn’t sure if it was him or fact that the words got a little bit less stuck in my throat with every repetition, but I became more accustomed to the combination of pity and sadness that fell into their gazes. It hadn’t ended up being too bad really, all of my patients seemed to have a solid grasp of the inescapable power of illness and it wasn’t exactly like I’d been the picture of health the last few weeks.

We ended up stretched out across the comforter Sunday afternoon, staring up at the white expanse of ceiling, fingers wrapped together, some soft music trickling from Harry’s ipod. The last of my appointments had finished up no more than an hour ago, leaving a strange kind of emptiness to descend over me, tinged with something like calm.

“This feels so strange.” I said softly, squeezing Harry’s hand in mine. 

He shifted a bit on the bedspread, turning so his head was facing mine, green eyes lidded and soft. “Like you’re laying around waiting to die. I know.”

“Kinda. It’s more like floating. A little like sadness.” I replied. “Like the whole world has stopped around me.”

He shrugged. “It always seemed to me like I was the one who stopped.”

“Either way, it’s a bit like we’re trapped in a bubble, isn’t it?” I asked, scooting just a little bit closer to him.

He nodded, closing the space between us so our sides were pressed together, so when we both turned out heads our lips nearly touched. “Bit like that, yeah. It’s kindof nice though, being in a bubble with you.”

I allowed myself a tiny smile, giving him a quick affirmative kiss. “Of course.” Then, with a quick glance at the clock. “Mind if I stay the night?”

A smile quirked at the side of his mouth, a pleased sparkle in his eyes. I thought that maybe Harry was possibly more than a little pleased to have me all to himself, and it brought a happy little fluttering to my chest. “Not at all.”

I grinned, squeezing his hand. “I’ll go text Liam.”

He snuggled in closer to me. “He knows where you are.”

I laughed softly, acknowledging the truth to his words. It wasn’t like there were that many other places I could possibly be. “I’ll text him in the morning.”

Harry nodded, pressing a sloppy kiss to my neck. “In the morning.”

April 1st - Day 74

Morning came a little bit too early, with Harry’s head buried into my chest, jaw clenched, eyes squeezed shut. I was clammy with sweat, muscles achey, clothes sticking unpleasantly to my skin and leaving me with a damp chill in my bones. I shifted in the hopes of sneaking away for a quick shower, but I’d barely moved and inch when Harry made a tiny painful noise and pressed his forehead into my sternum, and so I stayed where I was.

I felt pretty shitty to be honest, muscles achey, dizzy like I wasn’t getting quite enough oxygen to my brain. I wondered vaguely if my lungs were filling up like Hazel’s did, if I was on the verge of drowning inside of myself. I thought maybe it should worry me a little, but laying here it all seemed a bit pointless.

I reached out, trying to jostle Harry as little as possible, and pressed the red call button on the side of the bed. A nurse was there not much later, the dark haired girl I recognized from some of my earlier visits.