Tfios (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 14 AKA smut chapter

Author's note : When I do payback for cliffhangers, I go all the way. Warning: Harry tops which I know will upset . i feel that it is important to note that I am no longer apologizing for top!harry.

Enjoy ;)

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 I was on the couch when he called me, caught in a reality television induced delirium somewhere between sleep and awake. I scrabbled for my phone, trying not to get my hopes up as I read the name on the screen with blurry eyes. 

So he had decided to call after all.

I flipped open my phone, placing to it my ear. I opened my mouth to greet him, but if felt like my words were caught in my throat, sticky like peanut butter and impossible to get out. I almost didn’t want to know what he had to say, if it was a denial or an affirmation. I’d never thought of the future as a scary place before, but I would be completely content to stay in this moment forever, the television humming in the background, Harry’s breath on the line. Of course I wanted to know if he’d stopped pretending, if he’d say he loved me too, but there was always that niggling doubt that crept under my skin like a parasite.

He spoke first, voice soft and uncertain, a mirror of what he’d said at the hospital. “Louis?”

“Yeah Harry?” I couldn’t see much, the darkness and my lack of glasses making the room fuzzy. I could almost pretend I was in the hospital with him, that if I reached out I could tangle his fingers in mine.

“I wanted to call you earlier but I didn’t know what to say.” He said, voice barely more than a whisper. I remembered the first time he’d called me, before I knew about the cancer, before he was special to me, before the kiss. How had the weeks slipped by so quickly?

He seemed to take my silence as an invitation to keep going. “But you already know what I have to say, don’t you? You already know.”

I made a sleepy noise. “I guess I do.” 

“So then I thought maybe if I called you then I’d know what to say,” He continued in his lazy drawling voice, the low tones working their way through the dark. “But I still really don’t. I still can’t tell you what you mean to me, because I’ve practiced it to myself about ninety times and nothing I say sounds right at all.”

“Well that’s kindof bollocks isn’t it.” I observed, feeling as if he wasn’t quite finished.

“It kindof is.” He agreed, the smallest bit of self-deprecation slipping into his tone. “But I did realize something. I always thought I was being selfish by letting you in, but I’ve really been more selfish by pushing you away, haven’t I?”

I nodded, my whole body feeling drunk on drowsiness and the soft cadence of Harry’s voice. “You could certainly say that.”

“I guess I didn’t believe you could ever need me as much as I need you.” He admitted finally, letting out a soft breath into the receiver. 

“That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” I replied, unable to keep a smile off my face. Harry wasn’t modest, he just had literally no idea how exceptional he was.

“It kindof is, isn’t it?” He replied, sounding a bit sheepish.

“It is.”

There was a smile silence, in which I readjusted, wrapping the blankets tighter around me and turning the tellie down until it was no more than a low mutter. “Louis?”