Burning Desire

Chapter 33

I stared so hard for so long, not blinking until my eyes burned, waiting and hoping that Alex's name would appear on my phone screen. It never did. I waited and waited, not finally falling asleep until nearly five o'clock in the morning, only to be woken up by a call at seven-thirty from Lindsey. She was reminding me that she'd be over soon to take pictures of my house for the listing.

My eyes stung from the lack of sleep and I contemplated taking a sick day to sleep off my misery, but I decided against that idea when Ruby jumped down from the bed and started barking at me to get up and feed her.

With an over-exaggerated groan, I rolled out of bed to accommodate my feisty pup, and make the full twelve-cup pot of coffee that I normally didn't fill passed five.

I fed Ruby and made a half-assed croissant for myself, still stewing in my emotions from the night before.

Around eight, Selena called to ask if I was going to come into work. I told her I'd figure that out after Lindsey left. I needed more time to myself to breathe and determine what to do next.

When Lindsey arrived an hour later, she greeted me with a sisterly hug and I knew that she'd heard about last night's fiasco.

"Who told you?" I asked knowingly when we pulled apart.

She looked at me sympathetically and bent down to pet Ruby, who had been hopping around at her feet for attention. I predicted right then that Ruby would probably never make a great guard dog, seeing as she befriended every person who walked through my front door. She'd even gone nuts over Daren.

"Selena talked to Kacey and Kacey told me," Lindsey said, rubbing Ruby's ears. "Kate, I know it's hard. I've been in the same position before. But you can't let not knowing how he'll react ruin everything for you."

I flashed her a frown, having never heard about this before. "You've been in the same position?"

She nodded and rose back up to eye level with me, to Ruby's dismay. "Yeah. When I was in college, I dated two guys. Mitch and Shawn. They were both amazing. I was doing the same as you, just seeing what was out there, seeing what my options were. Didn't think they'd think anything of it, really. Big mistake on my part."

She followed me into the kitchen and I poured a cup of coffee for her as she continued the story.

"I was out to dinner one night with Mitch and we were having a great time, sitting on the same side of the booth. He had his arm around me and we were talking," she told me, pausing to take a sip of her coffee. "When our waiter came to take our order, it was Shawn. He called me out right there, in front of everyone. Then Mitch got pissed and they ended up taking it outside. It was a big, dramatic explosion in my face, basically. The cops had to break it up."

I could already guess how the story ended, seeing as I'd never met a Mitch or Shawn before, and I'd known Lindsey for a few years.

"So what happened?" I asked anyway.

Lindsey shrugged. "I was so embarrassed and humiliated, I ended up hiding in my dorm for a week, and by the time I'd gathered up the courage to talk to them, they'd both moved on. I still, to this day, regret not talking to either of them right after it happened. I know you worked things out with Jesse, and that's great, Kate, but if you really think Alex is the one, you need to swallow your embarrassment and go fix things with him. Don't drag it out like I did, because you might lose him permanently."

She was right. I knew that. But knowing how her experience had ended only made my anxiety worse. What if I did talk to Alex and it still turned out badly? Was I supposed to think, 'oh well. At least I tried?' No. That wasn't good enough. I had to fix this. I had to! There just was no other alternative. I didn't just want Alex in my life. I needed him, and I honestly couldn't imagine not having him in my life, now that I'd become so attached to him and so used to him being there. I wasn't sure I could handle the thought of losing him permanently. Actually, I refused to.