Eclipse Child |✔|

|41|

Mother,

I have pasts inside me

i did not bury properly.

Some nights

your daughter tears herself apart

yet heals in the morning.

***

Grandma hums as she prepares the different herbs. She claimed it to be a mixture to help with nausea, but just taking in the smell alone was causing my stomach to churn.

Mom and Orion both are leaned towards each other, engrossed in the books that are scattered around the table. I am leaned back as well, but far away from the activity- my mind drifting in and out. It's only broken by Orion's occasional question as he puts forth a different name.

"Oscar?"

"Urgh, too bland, not wild enough."

He shakes his head, going back to the endless lists.

Mom looks up, "Jackeline is a very pretty name."

"Pass."

Orion scratches out the name, adding it to the endless pile of rejects I had already decided. My mood was not invested in their project. The first hour had been filled with excitement. Slowly, the more I said no and rebutted their remarks, the more their enthusiasm died down.

"Warren?"

"Pass."

"Sansa?"

I shook my head, sighing and feeling a weight settle in me. I just wanted to go back to the pack house. The thought of the endless amount of paperwork piling up with each second I wasted here set me on edge.

Mom and Orion go back to their search.

Orion did not seem put off by my sour mood. Mom, on the other hand, seemed just as weary as me.

"Alto?"

Grandma pauses, her eyes critical at Orion now.

"You know that means tall in Spanish...right?"

I gasp in mild horror, "we are not naming it, tall. Just think of the teasing..."

Orion sighs and tosses aside the book Great Leaders in Wolf History.

Mom rubs her forehead, small chips of dried paint falling onto the pages as she stares blankly down.

"How did you do it mom?"

Mom looks up at me, startled by my question.

"Do what?"

I shrug, "name us?"

I had never considered how I came to be in possession of my own name. It never occurred to me to question the origin of it. From the oddness of dad's own, I figured daisy played a hand in choosing it.

"Oh...we decided early on that I would name the males and Atlas would name the females."

Shock runs through me. It causes a slight cramp, a bloating in my stomach that has Orion looking at me with concern as my hand grabs the skin around my hips. I shake my head quickly before turning back to mom.

"Wait...dad named me?"

Mom looks uncomfortable, her hands becoming fidgety as they always did whenever she was in a situation that caused her anxiety. It told me she wanted to get away and escape. To cause those hands to stop shaking by the steadiness of holding a brush.