Chan doesn't look up from his bento box, scared he might start crying again. So he just pushes his teriyaki chicken for a bit before taking a piece and put it into his mouth. He listens quietly to Jihoon's and Soonyoung's conversation. Unlike before, he didn't contribute much. He doesn't take much either, usually too busy crying or trying to get his mind of things.
"Babe, it's been three months." Jihoon grumbles. He runs his hands through his hair and sets down his chopsticks. "You really ought to get over it, Chan."
"Hey, go easy on him, Jihoon." Soonyoung butts in. He rubs his boyfriend's shoulders. Jihoon just shakes his head as the older continues. "At least he's still eating and being healthy and stuff. This shit takes time; you know that. He was his first... everything. Plus, you're his best friend so I'm sure he expects you to understand that he needs more time."
After a moment, Jihoon sighs and nods. "Okay. I'm sorry Chan." He reaches for the younger's hand and holds it tight. "No matter what happens, I'm always here for you. We all are." Chan still doesn't look up. He just nods and picks up another piece if his teriyaki chicken. "Do you want to do anything else today?" Jihoon asks.
"Not really," Chan croaks out. His unstable voice makes Jihoon's heart hurt so much and he inhales sharply through his nose. Soonyoung rubs his thigh, trying to comfort his boyfriend. "I just wanna go back home or something..."
"Hey, why not go to the beach?" Soonyoung suggests. "It's almost eight, and you love going to the beach at night, don't you? We can get ice cream or something and we can chill on the pier or on the sand. It'll be an easy night before we get to school tomorrow."
"Yeah, it was a pretty hectic week for you. First week of school since you took a month of independent study... We can just chill out, try to get your minds off the stress and your depression." Jihoon adds in. "It'll be good. You haven't gone out much lately, either."
The youngest of the three finally looks up, "Yeah. That sounds good. I don't mind that." The other two nod and they finish their food in silence.
It doesn't take them too long to finish eating. Once Soonyoung paid, they all leave, thanking the employees. They make their way to Soonyoung's car and pile in. After settling in, Soonyoung pulls out of the parking lot and finds a place for ice cream.
There was one not too far from the Santa Monica Pier, so that's where they had gone. It was one of those taiyaki ice cream shops and it worked well for the three of them since they've all tried it in when they went to Japan and enjoyed it. So Chan got a normal vanilla soft serve, Soonyoung got matcha, and Jihoon got a swirl of matcha and vanilla. As soon as they all got their ice creams and paid, they got into the car again so Soonyoung could find a better parking space. He found a good spot and they all crawled out. Soonyoung and Jihoon followed Chan to the pier, sitting down on a bench to enjoy their ice cream.
"I'm gonna wander off for a bit," Chan mumbles. He stands up. "I wanna be alone for a bit so I'm just gonna wander... around."
"Okay," Jihoon said. He wanted to protest against it, but Chan wouldn't have listened. Plus, he already knew his way around the pier and beach.
Chan walked towards the part of the boardwalk that went deeper towards the water. There was still a couple of people, whether they were leaving, buying souvenirs, or just hanging out on the sand or the water. It was still kind of hot, so Chan understood. He sighed a bit as he sat down, letting his feet dangle off the pier and continued to eat his ice cream. His heart has never felt so heavy. The closest he felt to a heartache was when Jihoon said he had to leave to see his grandparents in Korea the first time. Chan was extremely sad since that was when he didn't have much friends or anyone to lean on. But things worked out and Jihoon ended up coming back early because of the sad shit he said on his spam and because he missed his best friend just as much. However, now, even when Chan's so messed up inside and Jihoon can always cure these problems with a simple dab of affection or attention, it just isn't working now. And it hurts so much. He leaned on Junhui the exact way he did with Jihoon, and they actually dated. Of course he couldn't imagine doing that with Jihoon, but doing so many things for the first time with someone and getting so hurt in the end... Chan only hates himself for not holding on tighter or believing himself when he really needed it.
Suddenly, Chan feels a teardrop hit his arm and he finally realizes he was crying. God, it hurt. His eyes were already red from the excessive crying he's been doing so just to do it now and in public was just terrible. Then, the phone in his pocket is vibrating and he hurries to pick it up.
"Hello?" Chan answers, his voice as shaky as ever.
"Hey, Chan. Just a daily check up," it was Wonwoo and Chan feels a bit better. "How are you feeling today?"
"I'm okay..." Chan sighs.
"No you're not. I told you don't lie. I'm here to help you."
"But... why?"
"I told you I'm studying both you and Junhui. I've never experienced heartbreaks and I plan to go into the psychology major. Plus, you're my friend. You were and still are important to one of my best friends, so you are the same to me. I care for you a lot and even when you two were together, it was clear you two had a lot of pain. Junhui knew that, too." A pause. "I-I'm sorry for speaking about him."
"It's okay, Wonwoo. How is he?"
"I just left his apartment. He was asleep when I got there but I woke him up because Mingyu said I had to make him eat."
"I just... Why's he so depressed?"
"A lot of reasons." Wonwoo sighs. "He's a fucking idiot, he really is. Anyways, I have to go. I hope you feel better, Chan."
"I do too. Thanks for always checking up on me," Chan replies. Wonwoo hums and hangs up.
Chan takes a deep breath and looks up at the stars. After a while longer, he stands up and finishes his ice cream, walking back over to where Jihoon and Soonyoung were waiting for him.
—————— whip that little paragraph of chan's heartache: me too baby me too
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