Life goes on

I stil love him

Perfect song for this chapter: "Scared to be lonely" by Martin Garrix ft. Dua Lipa

"Mom, I'm back!"

No response. That means she's either still at work or phoning for her work. She is kinda a workaholic. I'm the complete different, I like to sleep long or binge-watch my favorite series for hours.

I go through our apartment but my mum can't be found. I have the whole apartment for myself! That would probably be the usual reaction of a teenager. But not me, I prefer to have someone who cares about me around.

You know, there's a possibility I will pass away, have a heart attack, the building will go on fire, and so much more. And if there's some other there he can help you survive so you won't die. So it is totally normal to have it in your genes, nobody wants to die in this early age (if you ignore the suicidal minded ones).

Authors note:
If you're suicidal minded right now, talk to someone you trust or contact somebody who can help you! There are also hotlines for that! 

But I ignore the fact of the possibilities that I could die every moment and change into comfy clothes. Cuddling into my bed I start watching a cheesy high school film all other again. The similar actions and endings calm me down and I get lost in the perfect love after the struggles.

My eyes get heavier every minute passing while watching another film and I drift slowly into sleep.

"NOOOOO!!!"

I shrink up off my bed being totally shocked. What was that? Was I dreaming again or was this scream real? It sounded so real and gets me into a sudden déjà-vu.

Everything is in a blur. I stand up off my bed and run in the direction of the scream. It's coming out of her room. Shit. This can't be happening. Please not. Please not her. I barge in her room afraid of the reason of the scream.

I see my mum crying being on her knees on the floor. She looks so terrified, so sad, so angry. It is her. Shit. Double shit. I start crying unstoppable. She didn't deserve that.

Weeks pass in a rush going unnoticed by. I don't realise anything. She isn't here anymore. I feel so lonely, I want her by my side listening to me reading out of her favourite book. Want to see her smile just one time again. Her innocent smile, her innocent eyes. Heck I miss her so much, I feel so lost without her.

I snap out of it, back into the present. I need to run to mum and see what's up!

I rush out of my room to the living room. My mum is cuddled up on the couch in a blanket and looks at me when I come in.

Caring smile on I take place next to her.

"Everything okay?"

"It's your dad."

"What's up with him?"

"I still love him. That's the problem."

"Oh... But why this sudden scream?"

"You know his employee Lora?"

"The one with the blonde hairs and blue eyes?"

Of course I remember her. She's the one who visited us a pair of times and my dad always talked about her. Wait, no that can't be... No, he wouldn't do that. Would he? Could it be possible he had an affair with her all the time? No, no, no. He wouldn't do that. I encourage myself that this thought is total absurd.

But mum talks about her. She nods after my short description and looks like she will tell me some awkward and difficult information now.

It makes me nervous. What could it be? It's defenetly something bad and hard to tell for my mom, I see it on her face.

"They're dating now"

Wait... What?! He is what?! He is already dating someone? They were just two weeks separated. Even loving my dad which he still is for me I'm angry and disgusted of him. How could he do something like that?

But wait, how does mum knows that? He wouldn't have told her that by himself! Did this bitch new girlfriend of my dad rub it under her nose? No, nobody can be so cruel and evil to do something like that.

Carefully I ask her how she knows about that.

"Kim told me"

How comes I didn't think about that? Of course she knows because of Kim. She's another employee of my dad's work and the best friend of my mum too. She had to see these two together and told my mom. That makes sense.

What should I do now? Should I give my dad the silent treatment or should I confront him? Both don't seem attractive. But I should do something about it, I can't ignore this even if it would be the easiest.

For starters I will tell Maria to keep an eye on my dad and see where this dating thing leads to and if it really is so serious. In my opinion it is serious because Kim wouldn't tell my mom this if she wasn't totally sure of it. Still, I want to know every little thing about this relationship.

Clara Hey you! Could ya do me a favor?

Maria Hey to you too! Yeah sure, everything for my girl!

Clara I heard my dad is dating his employee Lora. You need to spy on them for me!

Maria You ain't be real?!

Clara Unfortunately yes...

Maria Oh crap... My eyes are all on your dad! I promise!

Clara Thanks, you're the best

Maria Always. Everything for my bestie.

I'm so happy to have this girl. She was always by my side and encouraged me, still doing that. We have so many memories together and will make so many more. Without her I would be lost, still grieving.

My mind is going crazy while deciding what I should do with my dad. Ignoring or confronting? Ignoring him would state the fact that he did something terribly wrong and would be a punishment for that. On the other side confronting him would manage to make me understand him and would possibly solve the problem. Or make it even worse. And that's what makes me so terrified. I want to make it better, not worse.

My mom's condition is bad already and she deserves even while being a workaholic better, the whole universe. She never had that stable life, she struggled with a lot. Not that I went through hell too, but mom had to worry about me at the same moment too. Mum is such a brave and strong woman, I'm amazed by her. I want the best for her.

I look on my watch. It's already twenty minutes before school starts!

I rush out of the apartment being a total mess. I never was late and don't plan to be. The elevator opens after an eternity and I run towards the exit of the building.

"Clara!"

It's a familiar voice but I don't stop I'm in a real hurry. I hear the person running after me and scream my name again. He finally reaches me after only half a minute of running. This person is really fast.

I feel a grip on my shoulder making me stop and turn around to face the person.

New chapter again! This time a little bit longer because it took me longer to update, sorry.
I have a lot going on right now, but the next chapter will be out by the end of the week!

Released on 10.07.2018