endless goodbyes. (discontinued)

Chapter 1

     Saying goodbye to Noah was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my lifetime. I mean, he was the love of my life. But I had to let him go. It would've been selfish not to.

     I knew that one day I would see Noah again. There was a special place for him in my heart. I would always love him. Forever. Regardless of whether or not we see other people.

While that was difficult enough, having to say goodbye to Lee was so much worse.

     Lee was my brother. I was going to be so lost without being with him pretty much everyday. We had always done everything together. We had always been attached by the hip. He was my best friend.

I was terrified that Lee and I would lose touch when he left for college. He was going to meet so many new people. Maybe a new girlfriend. He'd be so occupied with them that he wouldn't have time for anything else but his actual school work. Much like Noah.

I thought about the end of Summer as I drove to Lee's house. He was leaving in only a few weeks. I hadn't mentioned my fears to him and I wasn't planning on it. I was too afraid to break down in front of him.

**

When I pulled up to his house, I sat in the car and mentally prepared myself.

While I had just talked to him on the phone, we hadn't hung out in days. He was busy hanging out with Rachel or packing. Just the thought of seeing his room all packed up and nearly empty would probably break me.

What if he talks about it? I thought, what will I do then?

I made a promise to myself to not cry in front of him. I knew he probably felt the same way. I know Lee. And it's not like he's never seen me cry before. But I did not want to sob about the future and pour out our feelings to each other. If I start crying, I would never stop.

I finally brought myself to get out of the car and walk to the front door.

      I took in a deep breath before entering the Flynn's huge house and running to Lee's room.

His bedroom door was closed. I felt a lump in my throat and my cheeks felt hot.

    Don't cry, Elle, I told myself. I bit my lip.

He wasn't in his room. I took it upon myself to lay on his bed. This was probably one of the last times I would get to do this.

As soon as I hit the pillow, tears welt up in my eyes.

"Damnit," I muttered. I sat up, tears suddenly rushing down my face. All of my makeup was probably melting off (not that I cared.)

     I sniffled, trying to stop so Lee wouldn't see, but I couldn't. I felt so sad in that moment. All the emotions I was trying to keep in, now pouring out.

I started to sob. I couldn't help it. I buried my face into my hands, my body shaking as I cried. I heard Lee come down the hallway. I wanted to stop. I wanted to wipe my tears and dripping mascara. But I felt that I shouldn't.

I looked up to Lee, whose head was peeking through the doorway.

     "Geez, Shelly," I tilted my head, wondering what he was going to say next, "You are an ugly crier."

     I scoffed before throwing a pillow at him and crossing my arms. He caught the pillow. I looked out the window, "You're a dick, you know that?"

He held his hands up in defense, "Hey, just being honest!"

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood.

      He walked over to the bed and sat in front of me, placing one hand on my knee and holding the pillow with his other hand, "Seriously, though. It's gonna be okay."

      I knew he knew what I was thinking about. That he and I wouldn't talk after he left. That our relationship would fade, just like me and Noah's.

"It's not like I'll be half way across the country," Lee paused, "Plus, I'm only a phone call away."

I smiled, "I love you, Lee," I pulled him into a hug and cried into his shoulder.

The rest of the night consisted of a lot of tears. For hours we reminisced, made promises about the future that were bound to be broken, and cried.

I glanced over to the alarm clock while Lee was going on and on about Rachel—talking about how great their relationship was and what they were going to do once he left. I noticed that the clock read 10:34 pm, gleaming in red.

"Lee, I should probably get going," I interrupted him, getting off the bed, "My dads gonna kill me."

He stood up as well, "Okay. You want a ride?"

I needed time to myself to think. Even though that was probably a bad idea because I would most likely start crying again, it's what I thought I should've done.

"Uh—no, I think I'm okay," I nodded and smiled. He smiled back.

"Okay, well I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked, "We can go to the beach?"

"Yeah, definitely," I hugged him once again before going downstairs.

      "Wait—Elle!" Lee called from his room. He ran to the edge of the stair case, "Noah is coming to visit in a week!"

Suddenly, I felt my heart beat out of my chest and butterflies in my stomach. I felt so anxious, yet so excited even though I barely knew what was going on.

I had no words. If I tried to speak I would stutter and maybe even cry. I was emotionally conflicted. So much was going on. I was going to have a breakdown.

It honestly felt as if I had just been hit by bus. be excited or stressed. I pretty much froze.

Bringing me back to reality, Lee waved his hand, "Um...hello?"

I shook my head, "Sorry—" I smiled, "How long is he visiting for?"

He shrugged, "I dunno. My mom just told me to tell you since she wants you to go with her to pick him up."

"Okay," I nodded, "Ill text you."

I crossed my arms and turned towards the door, obviously not looking as happy as I should've finding out that Noah was going to visit.

"You haven't heard from him, have you?" Lee asked from the top of the stairs. I sighed before frowning.

"I have to get home, Lee," I told him on the verge of tears. 

"Okay," Lee said. I knew he wanted to come down and talk about it. But I also knew that he knew that I did not want to talk about it.

Lee was right. Noah and I had barely talked since he left last summer. Maybe a few phone calls was it, really. And our texts were mainly just asking how we were doing. We hadn't really had any real conversations.

     But somehow, I knew that we were okay. I was never going to find anyone else in high school because of Noah's threats in the past, and I wouldn't want anyone else anyways.

     I wasn't sure if Noah felt the same way. I mean, Noah could get whoever he wants. He's stupid hot, first of all.

     Honestly, I didn't want to think about what he could be doing. He probably was out partying meeting so many girls that were ten times hotter than me, which definitely worried me. But I guess I would just have to have faith in him.

     It wasn't fair for me to be calling him everyday seeing who he hangs out with or what he does from day to day. Even though we never broke anything off, I'm not sure if we're still together.

     I guess I'll just have to find out when he gets here.

**