The cracked up part is the fact that I just sat there and let you let go like I wasn't letting my whole world slip away. Why I let you let go is beyond me, but let me tell you, it's all so torn up and neither of us can fix that anymore. We're both to blame.
And you always did this. You always felt a certain obligation to leave me alone, I just never thought it would be for forever. I never thought I would never see you again. That's okay, babe, I understand that you couldn't stop it, but you should have told me what was wrong that night. You shouldn't have left, because I wasn't ready to be left alone. I wasn't ready to go out into the cruel universe all alone. I wasn't okay to navigate my mind with all the demons inside, screaming out my name and whispering words only you and I knew were true. I don't care about the money you wouldn't have made. I don't care about your feelings being in shreds. The reason I didn't care is because I'd break every bone in my body to get that money you so desired, I'd be your shoulder to cry on and the ear you desperately needed to listen. Furthermore, I care about you, cared about you. But you just had to leave. I should have hidden the devilish liquid when you said you had a bad day and told you to tell me what was wrong.
Oh darling, I am withering away by the second. I am withering away like you did, into dust. I am withering away, becoming none other than meaningless shards of glass from a shattered window. So, yes, I am saying that I'm running. Yes I am trying to give up, using little excuses and saying that I can't do this anymore. I am saying that I cannot take the past back and that I will teach myself that it's okay to lose the person you love and that it is okay to let go. I remind myself of three things: God has beautiful things prepared, it isn't the end, forgive and forget.
