Feelings | Oliver Schermerhorn

[9] I just wanna be anybody

It was like a video was playing in my head and it was on speed. Everything was going fast.

It first showed my dad and brother driving to the store to get what I have asked for. Then the video started going faster and the next thing I know I was next to the car with my crying mother and my brother was drinking.

They were all yelling at me that it was my fault.

"It's your fault! You should have never made them go to the store, Stella!" They were repeating it over and over till soon enough it was quiet and it was me saying it.

"It's my fault. I should have never made them go to the store. It's my fault." It was like it was engraved in my head. The only words I knew how to say, the only words that spilled out from my lips, screaming them to one but my guilty self.

I just kept repeating the same words as the car crash happened in front of me over and over. It was a replaying video and my demons were making me watch them behind a glass wall.

I could kick and punch the glass but it would never break. I couldn't get to them.

"It's my fault. It's my fault."

I gasped as I sat up, my chest rising and falling as I took uneven breaths.

Tears stains covered my cheeks. I looked around the room, feeling some recognition but still confused at where I was.

Nothing came to mind when I thought back to the night before. I looked to my left and my eyes widen slightly.

"W-what am I doing here?" I looked around the room, my eyes analyzing every poster that was hung up, to the red small couch in the corner of his room.

My eyes went back to Oliver who was in front of his mirror, both of his palms flat against the surface as he looked at me through the glass mirror.

"Do you remember anything from last night?" He asked and turned around, leaning against the table, crossing his arms.

I try my hardest to think back to the night but it's blank. The last time I remember was standing in front- my lips part as I let out a soft gasp.

"I- I have to go." Everything was coming back to me.

From crying to yelling at Oliver, him carrying me to his house, falling asleep on his chest.

I grab my shoes from the side of his bed and straighten out my wrinkled clothes.

"Um, thanks for everything last time, but please forget everything I said," I say softly without looking him straight in the eyes.

As I reach for the doorknob, he stops me.

"I'm sorry." I let my hand slip from the doorknob and I turn around to face him. "For what?"

He sighs and sits on his bed. "Everything, I guess. From yelling at you, freshman year,... about your family." He purses his lips and looks back up at me.

"Why- why didn't you tell me?" I play with the end of my shirt and bit my lip.

"I just- it hurt. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to be some pity girl who was fragile in your eyes."

He stands up and slowly walks toward me. He places a piece of my hair behind my ear and creases my cheek.

"You wouldn't have." His eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips and I quickly reach for the door again.

I clear my throat. "Thanks again." I opened the door and left quickly.

I rushed past his dad who was asleep on the couch and I leave the house.