3 Months Later
Every since what happened with that man, I haven't been the same.
I distance myself from people.
When I go to school I barely talk , I get my work done, and go to work.
I've Got Out On My Own Now,
My Own Apartment, And My Own Car. Independent.
I made it all possible by working 3 jobs. I had to, I had no other choice. I couldn't stay there and continue to get raped.
I love my mom but I refuse to suffer for her anymore.
'Back to reality'
"She do it for the money just to get by
& if you love what she do, let it fly
Girl keep doin what you do, cuz I won't judge you no.
She puttin on a show & I just wanna throw this doe, but one thing I know
Yes you a bad bitch, she do it for the money, that's cash shit.
Anything that she need guarantee she gon handle--" my alarm clock rung. I rolled over pressed dismiss & got up to do my hygiene.
I Turned My Shower On And Grabbed My "Love Spell" Body wash from Victoria's Secret.
While I was washing I went into deep thought...
I've drifted away from so many people' in a way it's kinda good, but I get lonely sometimes ; I guess I should go to church. Haven't been in a while and I really need to hear the word.
I have to go pick up kamiyah and Amiyah there friends house after church though.
Getting out of the shower I lotioned in cocoa butter & put on deodorant.
I got a text from Chyna saying
"I miss you Jahnari , please stop pushing me away. I'm here and so is rashad, I know y'all haven't had much experience, but you should give it a try, you're all he ever asks about , "where's Jahnari at? How's she doing?" You never talk to us at school , you just wave & keep going. I love you jay, just know that and please , start talking to me. I'm here for you" she was kinda right.
"Meet me after church , 3:30 at Fuji before I pick up Amiyah and kamiyah from Grammys ? So we can talk, and bring rashad?"
Okay 😘 " She replied instantly
For church I dressed in , a knee length skirt that had designs with a colour mixture of blues, pinks, white, and oranges L. A white Flowy Top. pink Pumps. Silver bangles, with diamond studs in my ear. For make up i put on eyeliner and mascara , with clear lipgloss. I don't really need more. I sprayed on Love spell Purdue , grabbed my car, & headed out to the driveway sto get into my All red candy apple range rover. 😍🙈
..... Church
You can't have paradise without pain
God brought me outta so much he has to remind me every once in a while that it was him and not me
Every good gift comes from above.
Whenever you have. Close encounter with god, he has to make sure that you don't abandon your humility .
"The Lord will make a way somehow"
I don't Beleive he brought me this far to leave me"
You struggle with relationship because you think everybody is out I hurt you and you don't know when somebody means good to you.
Every good gift comes from above.
Whenever you have a Close encounter with god, he has to make sure that you don't abandon your humility .
How many times have you shed tears over the issue that's going on in your life?
The person you can't get over.
Lesbianism.
Addiction.
Depression.
Anxiety.
Stop tripping on your past; it's finished
Everything you ever been through it's finish
It' don't matter? Because it's finish" the pastor preached.
His words really got to me, it's like he was talking directly to me.
As The Pastor was closing Out with prayer, my mind kept going to his words,
"You struggle with relationships, because you think everybody is out to hurt you, so you don't know when someone means good to you"
Maybe That's What I'm Doing Wrong, Not with just relationships, but with everybody. Maybe I think everyone is out to hurt me, I'm living off the past, and that's a problem.
After church ..
Walking into Starbucks I spotted Chynaaa and rashad, nervousness rushed through my body.
I walked up to the table and Chynaaa had the biggest smile on face, while rashad just had a blank expression on his face.
Hi guys" I spoke
"Jahnari I missed you so much" Chynaaa screeched about to shed tear.
