Journal Of A Survivor

Two

I'm all alone. They all turned their backs to me. I'm alone. I'm alone. Can't trust no one. Can't rely on no one. Nobody cares.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I don't deserve to live. I'm sorry.

I NEED SOMEBODY!

"It happens all the time they take your heart and steal your life. And it's as though you feel you've died because you've been killed inside. But yet your still alive which means you will survive. Although today you may weep because you're weak and everything seems so bleak and hopeless. The light you're seeking begins to seep in. That's the only thing keeping you from leaping off the mother freaking deep end. And I'm pulling for you to pushed through this feeling. And with a little time that should do the healing." -Eminem

I was watching her write in her journal again. She didn't know I was there, but I think she knew. She wrote what she felt she wrote lyrics to help her stay strong. I wish I could take this pain away. She is such a beautiful girl she didn't deserve this pain. She felt alone, but I knew she knows about my presence. She can't see me but I know she can feel be there. We are all assigned to a person at birth. At first we are just imaginary friends. As they grow older they loose their sixth sense. And they can't see us no more. We are here to help and guidance, but we can't really interfere. It's against the rules. When I earned my wings I was really happy. It was all because I helped her the first time. But thats another story for another time. We are here to keep the light of hope, alive even against all odds.
They say they wanna help me. But how is throwing me out onto the street gonna help me?

Find the light
Find the light

I'm not strong enough. I'm not. I am weak. I am damaged. I am weak. I am broken.

I wanna say how I'm feeling. But every time I try no words come out. I wanna scream but nothing comes out. Every word screaming and begging to be said out loud, but nothing. Just silence. Only silence.

No support. No one to help me. Nobody to tell me that I will get through this. Everybody is just telling me all the bad stuff that's gonna happen. To me.

NOBODY LOVES ME.

I'm here it's alright. Just keep fighting. Don't give up. I said even though she can't hear me.

They blame me for what happened. They say it's my fault. She says I should kill myself. Nobody believes me. I'm worthless. I'm a disgrace.

Every time I believe I can get through this, someone is always there to being me down.

I want to get through this. I want to move on from this. I want to heal. But they don't let me.

I'm better off dead. It would be easier. Swallow some pills. Cut my wrists; bleeding to death. Maybe that will so the healing if I was gone. It's not like they would care, they don't want me around.
Nobody does.

They don't understand. I'm damaged. They're making it worse. They don't understand what I'm going through. They don't understand how fragile I am.

If they kick me out. I will leave and never return. Like they want. I'll never return.

I'm just scared.

I could get through this right? Can I? I'm not sure if I can. I want to heal. I want to get through this. I want to. I need to. I need to continue living my life. One step at a time. One step at a time.

"I am only alive once. And imma die when God wants." -MGK

It's easier to wrote what I feel than to speak it.

I'm scared. I need help. I need somebody. Mental screams is all I hear. Begging for someone to help. But there's no on there. There's no one.

They scare me. I'm so helpless. They hurt me more. Their making accusations towards me which aren't true. They don't believe me. They don't. Please somebody help me. Please I'm begging. Please. I'm completely alone.

She slammed her journal closed and threw it across the room. She laid down and began to cry. I caught her attention by moving one of the blinds. She got up. She opened the window. I flapped my wings and she felt the breeze. She immediately smiled. She just thought it was a normal breeze. But a breeze from the wings of an angel is so much better. An angel breeze makes you feel happy, the breeze feels like it washed away all your worries, stress, and troubles. It's not a permanent fix. But it does last for up to a few minutes up to an hour. I liked the way she smiled. She felt better. She wiped her tears and just smiled while looking out to the blue sky. She is happy for now.