Journal Of A Survivor

Seven

She had this thing; especially now. She would cling to every word she read or heard that stood out to her. Even it were simple words like Don't give up. She held on to them like if her life depened on them. Maybe it did. Those words spoke to her like if they were meant for her and only her.

She started listening to music again. It was her relief. Those artist spoke every word she couldn't. She would cry and listen to her depressing music.

She wants to go home nobody's home it's where she lies broken inside.

The thing was she was at home but yet it felt like nobody was.

There's no place to go no place to go to dry her eyes.

Be strong be strong now to many to many problems don't know where she belongs.

She cries and cries. She wants the pain to end so bad. She want it to stop. And there's only one outcome she could think off. The only way to truly end the pain; to kill herself.

She didn't want to resource to that. She was scared to do it. But the thought was always in her head. It scared her. She didn't want to die but she felt like it was the only way.

Maybe if she was gone it'll be so much easier. She wouldn't hurt anymore. All the pain will go away. It's wasn't like any body cared for her.

Her feeling she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's loosing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's loosing her faith

Her mind always went to the accident and that made her want to kill herself even more. How do you overcome a tragedy all by yourself? She had no one to tell her "it's going to be okay I'm here for you." Or "we'll get through this together."

She had no one.

Things got tougher when school ended. She stayed at home more. She stayed locked in her room. She never came out she had no motivation to do anything. All she wanted to do was lie down. Or die.

Her cousin took her out to get food. They ordered their food and then walk across the street to buy soda. She felt so weird so out of place. They bought two liter soda. As they walked back to the resturant where they ordered food they had to cross a street. A guy came running up behind them. She got scared and her heart started pumping fast. She thought he was going to hurt her but then she realized he was only running because the flashing red hand on the cross walk started flashing.

She never wanted to be out on the streets again. They walked back to get their food and left to drive home.

She ate when they got to her house. Food landed in her stomach for the first time in days.