Fairy Lights | jerza

A Thousand Stars

The air is thick with the acidic smell of diesel.

The child is long gone; he had climbed the descending stairs and disappeared around a corner, leaving me behind. Here I stand, hovering at the metal threshold, listening to the hum of electricity as it travels through the weak walls of the room. 

This is clearly the entrance to the basement of a demolished apartment building. Zeref did always love being furtive; I can recall the leather masks and feathery costumes: all an effort to conceal our fretting faces, too young to be exposed to the darkness of the world.

Some tell you to listen to your heart; others say to listen to your head. I listen to neither because, at the moment, everything is numb.

~ ~ ~

The troupe sits cross-legged on the ground, chattering amongst themselves. The bowls of home-made rice and stew are hot and appetizing, and everyone reaches for a portion before Natsu can claim the whole meal for himself. 

Outside, the wind rages with fury, battering at the heavy cloth of the circus tent. Anyone else would be fretful; the tent, though quite spacious, does not seem to make a formidable opponent to the natural elements. For an experienced performance, however, the tent is equivalent to shelter, and shelter is equivalent to home.

"Erza's not back yet, and it's dark and windy," Lucy murmurs, setting her spoon down. "I hope she hasn't hurt herself."

"I hope she hasn't done something foolish" Jellal replies. He hasn't touched his food.

At this, Lucy grows upset. "It's your fault she's gone missing! You sent her out alone! Her leg isn't even fully healed yet!"

"Don't blame Jellal," Ultear interjects. "That girl acts so confident it's hard to remember she's injured."

"If she's not back by eight I'll go after her," decides Jellal. He pats Lucy's knee reassuringly. "I'm sure she's just spending some time alone. I've been a bit harsh on her."

~ ~ ~

Regardless of where Zeref and his troupe of children relocate, the training area always looks the same: dark and dingy. Crouched at the entrance of the room, I can hear the panting of tired child acrobats and dancers. 

"Ah, Sage, thank you for the coffee, dear," I hear Zeref say, "I haven't been able to sleep well, unfortunately." 

No one speaks for a while and then-

"No, Russet! How many times do I have to tell you? To the left, flip, then back. Three moves! That's it!"

"Yes, Master."

"You don't want to go the Darkroom, do you?"

"N-No, Master."

"Then do what I say, child. That's all you have to do."

I peek into the room. The child- Russet- is sobbing into Zeref's cloak. The dark-haired man tiredly pats the child's head and murmurs words of reassurance.

"No need to cry, little one. Come. Let's watch Olive and Rose- maybe you'll get it then." Zeref picks Russet up and walks to the other side of the training area. It might be a trick of the light, but I swear he's smiling. 

Olive and Rose appear to be the two older children dancing at the back of the room. The children don identical silver masks and tight leotards; aside from the ridiculous clothing, they are talented at their skill. 

"Now, now sweet Rose- that leg must go up higher. We have a guest watching. You must be precise."

My heart lurches and the air suddenly turns an icy cold. 

"Yes, darling Scarlet. Why don't you come on out? I'd like my children to see what a successful young tightrope walker looks like," Zeref continues,  Russet still cradled in his arms. As I stupidly enter the room, I realize Russet can't be more than five years old. 

Zeref pats the ground beside him. "Have a seat, Scarlet of the Sky. Olive, Rose, and Saffron will perform...let's see...How about...'Betrayal?'" He casts me a sidelong glance and I fidget uncomfortably.

"Master, what about Indigo and Sapphire? We need them to hold the-"

"No, this will do. Go on," he says, waving his hand lazily. Russet, I realize with a start, has fallen asleep. Could the children be so comfortable around this twisted man? So comfortable they trust him to watch over them as they sleep? 

"You were like this once too, Scarlet," Zeref says, noticing my horrified stare. He strokes Russet's silky hair with a steady hand. "At ease. Trusting. Whatever happened?"

Olive, Rose, and Saffron are performing a dance number; Rose takes center stage and the two boys flank her. The rhythmic tapping of their bare feet against the tile and the swish of their costume brings back a sense of peace I had thought I had long forgotten.

The three children smile brightly at me as they do a complicated flip and twist routine; with difficulty, I tear my gaze away from them. "We grew up, Zeref. After Simon died, we realized what you had done. We realized that performing from dawn to dusk was not normal." 

Suddenly, the smiles of the children no longer look joyful to me. They are tired. So broken.

"We realized that there was such a thing as school and nap time and sports. We realized-"

Zeref's eyes burn with anger. "Nap time and sports would not have made you who you are, Scarlet of the-"

"To hell with dancing and the circus and all the sparkly costumes and lights," I shout abruptly, "damn you, Zeref, damn you."

"Always the feisty one," he says. "Always."

I'm halfway out of the room when I realize I could've taken the children with me. I should've notified the police instead of chatting with the man who made me ruination. 

"You tightrope walk for him. What makes him any different than me?"

The question is so stupid I don't even reply; instead, I run, run straight out of that horrid basement, that trap house.

~ ~ ~

The children never stopped dancing.