Love, Pain and Bam

Chapter 5: Age 10

            Bam, Ryan, Rake and I were all hanging out in the backyard skating when my mom walked over. “Hey you little tramp, get over here.” She called. I sighed, she was drunk and it was only 2 in the afternoon on a Friday, we had all had a half-day. “What’s up, mom?” I asked.

“I’m going away for four days, do you have anywhere to stay?” She asked, and I was shocked she was asking, usually she just left. “I could probably stay with Bam.” I told her. “Whatever, I’m leaving I don’t give a fuck what you do.” She told me, now sounding more like the mother I was used to.  “Are Tommy and dad going to be home?”

“How the fuck do I know what those jackasses are doing? Ask them yourself. I don’t give a shit about them just like I don’t give a shit about you.” she said and turned on her heel and left.

            I watched her go feeling tears burning the backs of my eyes. Suddenly I felt an arm around me. I turned and found Bam behind me. He pulled me into his arms and I felt safe, just like I always did when I was with him. “Please don’t tell your parents what she said.” I begged.

“Don’t worry Emmy, I won’t say a word.” He promised. “I’m going to Baltimore this weekend to see Brandon Novak this weekend but you can stay in my room I don’t mind, and neither will April or Phil.” He told me and I nodded wiping away the one tear that had escaped my eye. Bam hugged me again before leading me back to the ramp to skate some more.

            A few months later I was laying in bed sleeping when I was woken up by the sound of something breaking. My parents were screaming at each other and were obviously throwing things. I snuck down the stairs to see what was going on. Tommy was standing by the door with a couple of suit cases and my dad was throwing some stuff into another suitcase while my mom was half dressed, drunk and screaming at him. “I’m fucking leaving you bitch!” my dad screamed at her. “And I’m taking Tommy with me!”

“Why don’t you take the little cunt too?” she yelled back.

“Because she’s not even my child you cheating whore!” He roared back at her.

“Well I don’t want her!” My mom sobbed.

“Too bad bitch, you’re stuck with your mistake. Let’s go Tommy.” My “father” said and I watched my brother walk out the door with him while my mother sobbed on the floor saying, “I don’t want her” over and over.

            I quietly made my way back upstairs and climbed out my window. I ran over to Bam’s and luckily he had a tree that hung over his roof too, though it was much harder to climb and I almost fell out of it like 3 times. When I finally got up it I climbed out on the limb that was right outside Bam’s window and started knocking. I had to knock a couple times before Bam finally opened the window.  “Emmy, what’re you doing? It’s like 2 in the morning.” He said as I climbed in. “What’s wrong?” he asked obviously seeing the pain and tears in my eyes. I told him what had just happened and he hugged me close. “It’s all my fault Bam, it always has been.” I sobbed.

“Emmy it’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything.” He told me. I was going to argue with him, but I didn’t. Instead we just crawled into his bed and cuddled until I finally fell asleep.

            “Bam, Emma, get up. You have to go to school.” April said shaking Bam and me awake. It took me a few moments to remember why I was at Bam’s house but then the events of the night before came flooding back, it took all my effort not to cry. Bam rolled out of bed and walked into the bathroom grumbling about how he didn’t want to go to school. “April, can I stay home today?” I asked her still trying not to cry. “I’ll consider it if you tell me why you came over in the middle of the night.” She told me. “Well dad and Tommy left last night and mom wanted them to take me too, but he wouldn’t because I’m not his daughter. Then after he left mom sat on the ground crying saying how she didn’t want me. I was upset and didn’t want to be alone so I came here. I’m sorry April. I know I shouldn’t have come without permission.” I explained and I expected her to be really mad but when I finally met her eyes, she had tears in them. “Emma, I’m so sorry baby girl. I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like for you.” she said hugging me close to her. Bam walked back into the room still grumbling about not wanting to go to school and April told him he could stay home with me, which made his entire day.

            April took Bam and I to our favorite skate park. After the skate park we went to see a movie and then went and got ice cream. It was a really fun day and it kept my mind off the events from previous night for the most part. I was still really upset about the whole thing though. I felt unwanted by everyone and the only thing that made me feel better was the fact that Bam was there to help me through it, and April of course too. April wanted to talk to my mom about the whole situation but had apparently talked to my mom before about her treatment of me, but to no avail.

            I stayed at Bam’s house for the next few nights, partly because I didn’t want to go home and partly because my mom was way to drunk for me to actually go home. The older I got the more I felt like a burden to the world. I didn't seem to be wanted anywhere and if felt like I didn’t fit in with anyone really.