vlog squad oneshots

nothing

we pulled into a parking lot, and i stared out the window, not fully aware of my surroundings. gabbie put the car in park and turned the engine off. "i'm just gonna run inside and drop this package off, okay?" she asked, looking over at me. i pulled my gaze from the window, realizing we were at the post office. i nodded, having to pause in order to comprehend what was going on around me.

she grabbed a package off of the center console and unbuckled her seatbelt, leaning over to give me a kiss before exiting the car and going inside. the stale silence in the air left me with only my thoughts. i popped the knuckles on each of my fingers individually, absentmindedly tugging at my fingers. i almost didn't notice. it was like i couldn't feel anything anymore. 

i couldn't stand the numbness of my body and mind. twisting my fingers different directions, i was begging my nerves to give me something, anything. i pushed against them with the palm of my hand, hearing the pop but not feeling anything. frustration was starting to fill me, and i was angry that this had been going on for so long. i slammed the heel of my hand against the tops of my knuckles. nothing. 

balling my fists up, i exhaled aggrivatedly. i looked around, feeling the need to take out this pent up anger. i brought my fists down on the dashboard in front of me, hoping to feel a dull pain seep up my arms. somehow, i felt nothing. absolutely nothing. an exasperated sound escaped my lips. i needed to feel something. anything. 

clenching my fists, i dug my fingernails into the soft flesh of my palms, begging for a slight ache or a subtle bite of discomfort. i couldn't understand how i could possibly feel nothing. that word seems to be everywhere in my mind now. i would do anything to go back to the times where the agony felt like too much. anything to escape this feeling of utter despair. 

i pounded my fist lightly against the glass of the window beside me, listening to the soft thud and trying to get rid of the violent silence. my banging became slightly louder as a crescendo grew, filling the quiet air. still i felt... nothing. striking the window continuously, the force with which my fist came down began to grow steadily until suddenly i was snapped out of my daze. 

the sound of glass shattering. the blaring of a car alarm. 

i looked over to see shards of glass littering the window sill, my lap, and the pavement around the car. blood gushed down my arm, yet i wouldn't have noticed without the visual stimulation. i wouldn't have noticed without the sound of the glass prompting me to look over. the sharp noise cutting through the air was beginning to draw attention to the vehicle i was seated in. i glanced over to the post office door when i heard it swing open, and suddenly my mind was filled with regret.

gabbie came rushing over as i'm assuming she figured out her car was the one going off for an unknown reason. fuck, she's gonna worry now, and it's all my fault. why didn't i just leave the first time. she doesn't deserve all of my bullshit. 

"what happened?" she asked in an alarmed manner. i shrugged, not meeting her gaze. she ripped open the driver side door, sliding into the seat and pulling my arm over to her. i could tell she was starting to freak out about the blood and glass. "babe, what the fuck happened!" she said, raising her voice as panic started to seep into her. i couldn't find the words to pretend that i was fine. that everything was just as peachy as ever. 

she pulled me into an embrace, but my arms hung limp at my side. i felt bad for staining her car. i felt bad for breaking the window. i felt bad for worrying her and causing a scene. i felt bad, yet i didn't know how to show it. so my arms hung limp at my side as she was the one to begin to cry. i sat there numb as the only one who cares anymore was starting to lose hope as well. 

you can decide whose pov this is idrc