Control {English}

25 years old

I live in the Netherlands for almost year already. I live on my own now because I had fights with my parents for too many times. I believe they think it's because I don't feel at home anymore after living in England for 6 years. I really want to go back there but I just don't have the money. I have to work here to earn some money and can go back. But 1 thing is for sure, I won't stay here in the Netherlands. Since I saw Bert last week with Easter, flashbacks keep coming and almost every nights I have nightmares. On top of that I have moments where I completely black out and come back a few hours later. This probably will just go away eventually. The good thing is that I rarely see nor speak Bert again because I don't see my parents often. 

I come home from work and lay down on the couch to watch some tv. Because the world doesn't hate me enaugh yet, there's a documentary on about child abuse. At first I want to switch to another channel but I actually am curious what they're going to say in it so I decided to watch this documentary. 

I open the door and there's uncle Bert, I give him a hug and he walks in. "Have fun tonight, see ya tomorrow!" I scream to my parents and I quickly give them a hug before they leave. I walk back in with Bert and we decided to watch a movie. It's a comedy and we can't stop laughing. When the film is ended I walk up to my ream to change into my pajamas and hop into my bed. Bert is walking behind me, this is weird because usually he never does that. He probably walks up to go to the toilet in the bathroom because downstairs the toiletpaper is empty. 

I'm in my room en I pull of my shirt when Bert walks into my room. I'm just in my bra right now so I quickly take my shirt back from the ground and hold it in front of me but Bert pulls it away.

"We're family right? I saw you naked a few times before so you don't have to be ashamed." he said to me. 

"That was when I was a baby!" I almost scream back. 

It just doesn't matter what I say backanymore, he walks over to me and stands almost against my half naked body. He holds his arms on each side of me and leans on my bed. I can't go anywhere. He starts touching me and quickly his hands move to my boobs (that are just starting to grow) and other private parts of my body. I stand there frozen and I don't know what to do. Maby it's normal what he's doing? I do know that I don't like what he's doing but he seems to enjoy it so I let it happen. He grabs me by my but and puts me on my bed and he's laying on top of me while he leans on his arms beside me. 

"LAURA? LAURA? WHERE ARE YOU LAURA?" Fortunate, my parents are back home. The door opens and I hold arms in front of my body to cover most of it. When I look up I don't see my parents but my best friend Melissa. 

"Why do you hold your arms in front of you like you're naked? You're wearing clothes." Melissa asks me. 

I realise I'm not in my old room in my parent's house, but in my own house on the couch. It was just a dream. It's not real. But it was real. It was the first time when Bert started raping me, when I found out who he really is. 

"Why are you here?" I ask Melissa. 

"I was wondering if you wanted to go grab something to eat somewhere and I knew you were home because you sent me that on whatsapp. When I called you a few times you didn't answer anymore and after a while I was getting worried and I came to your place."

I start crying and Melissa hugs me. 

"What's up Lau? Why are you crying?"

I only start crying harder. I just can't do it anymore. I have to tell at least someone. If I don't, my whole life will probably be ruined by just one person and that person will be just living his life how it used to be like nothing had ever happened. But something did happen and it affects me. I think I'm more 'off the world' with my thoughts than that I am 'on the world'. When I'm home I just drift off and when I'm back it's a few hours later. I have no idea what it is but it gets annoying. It was never this bad though. Most of the times I'm just 'off' but this time I had a flashback, one of the worst. 

I decided to tell Melissa the whole story. Not the story I told my boyfriend in England, with who I've broken up a long time ago, it just didn't work out anymore but we're still in contact. I know I can trust Melissa with this and I know I just need to get that weight of my shoulders. Melissa doesn't say a thing while I'm telling it all, she just lets me finish. When I'm done she just pulls me in a big hug and I'm sobbing on her shoulder. 

"I'm sorry, there are some black stains on your shirt from my mascara" I tell her with still tears in my eyes but I actually have to laugh about it a bit. 

"Girl, that are the least of my worries right now. But you have to tell your parents! I'm glad you told me and I understand it's hard to tell your parents but you have to, they deserve to know the truth." Melissa tells me. 

"No Mel pleease, they can't know this. The whole family will fall apart and that all because of me! I cannot let that happen!" I shout but I know she's probably not even listening to what I'm saying. When Mel has an idea in her head she can't let go of that. 

"And now YOU don't have any contact with your family because you can't look Bert in the eyes anymore. That asshole just lives happy ever after while you are here blacking out on the couch almost every single day. Is that what you want? Is that how you want the rest of your life to be? That's not justice Laura, Bert was wrong and he has to be punished for that! If you won't tell your parents, I'll tell them and you know it's better when you tell them the story by yourself." Melissa screams and I know she's getting angry. 

Deep down I know she's right. I thougth about telling my parents a million times but it just never felt right. But after that flashback today and everything that happened I know I just can't live this lie anymore. 

"Okay I'll go, but stay with me the whole freakin' time, okay?" 

"Okay." 

"Thank you Mel, you're the best friend I could wish for."

"Of course I'll be there with you, I'm here for you, always."

"Always?"

"Always. You should've told me sooner but I've never been in that situation and I don't know what it feels like. I'm glad you told me now and we're going to take that ass down."

I laugh and nod in agreement, my face still wet and my eyes still read from all the crying. I don't try to cover it up because I know that I'm going to cry at my parents' as well. 

We walk to the car and drive to my parents' house. It's been a year since I've been there and I never really keeped in touch with my parents after I left so it's going to be weird to see them again. 

We ring the doorbell and my mother opens the door. 

"Laura you're here! Tom! Laura is here!" My mom screams back into the house to my father. 

"Laura what's going on? Did you cry?" she asks me and I start crying again. She pulls me in for a hug and I'm sobbing on her shoulder. God, I've missed those 'mom hugs'. 

We walk inside and I hug my dad. "Laura has something to tell  you." Melissa says to my parents and I see them looking at me and raising their eyebrows asking what I'm going to tell. 

"Let's just sit down. Do you want something to drink?" My mom asks us and I nod asking for some water and Melissa for some tea. We awkwardly sit on the couch in front of my dad who is just looking at me with a worried look on his face. 

Finally my mom comes back with the drinks and some cookies but I don't want to eat anything right now. I feel nauseous from all the crying and I just want to tell my parents. So that's what I'm going to do. I start at the beginning and tell them everything because I know that's what I'm supposed to do. They let me finish without interupting me, just like Mel did. My father looks shocked while my mom is crying. 

I don't know if you noticed but I've put some TFIOS references in this chapter, thought that was a nice ad. I wrote 'okay?' and I immediately thought of TFIOS so then I wrote 'okay' and later I did the same thing with always hahaha. Let me know if you noticed. And thanks for al the reads, already 55 I believe, never thought anyone would've read nor liked this story so thank you for that! :D I love you all

xxxx Lotte