jayden
i knew i was in trouble. she was straight. and she had just broken up with her boyfriend. and she was heartbroken. and i really wanted to kiss her.
we were having lunch at city walk. it was the first time i had seen her in a month. it was like nothing had changed. that was what i loved. we could talk for hours on end without a moment of awkward silence.
"i don't know. something just feels wrong about it. like there's something about it that i'm not getting." i didn't realize i hadn't been listening until she started drumming the table with her gel nails.
"sorry, what?"
she laughed. the cutest laugh.
"stay. i mean i keep trying to record it but it's just wrong."
"who are you thinking about?" this was what annie did. she thought about people when she recorded music. she hesitated. it didn't matter. i knew the answer. "if it's not working then don't think about him. think about someone else."
"like who?" she scoffed.
"me," i said with a hair flip. that sent her into a fit of giggles.
god, i was in so deep.
-
"i guess it doesn't even matter."
"you're really just gonna disregard something as important as this?"
"annie, mint oreos are not better than birthday cake."
this was us. walking through city walk, hand in hand, debating about oreo flavours as if it was the most serious thing in the world. to us, it was. to us, this was everything. at least, to me.
"that guy is so hot." annie pointed across the walkway to a guy standing beside the disney store.
"y-yea." what i wanted to say was nothing even close to that, but of course, i couldn't.
"are you okay, j?" she knew. she always knew when something was up with me.
"yea! why wouldn't i be?" and nowadays, i lie. i gently pulled my hand out of hers and brought it behind me. i wonder if she felt it too. the loss of energy buzzing through my veins. she looked confused, so instead of explaining why, i quickly knelt down to pretend to tie my shoe.
it hadn't started like this. when i met her, i didn't think about what it would be like to hold her hand and be more than a friend. i didn't think about what it would be like to kiss her and hold her. i didn't think about any of that.
now, it was all i thought about.
we went home shortly after that, after gorging on candy floss and gummy worms. that night, as i laid in annie's bed next to her, i couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
