I don't know how long I've been staring at nothing in particular. Jennifer is telling me some story, but I'm not listening. I've got something else on my mind. Well, someone. I had a pretty graphic dream about Lindsey last night. I woke up, drenched in sweat, my hair a mess, breathing heavily. I'm not sure what I was doing to be in that state, but the dream was hot. Really hot. Of course, we've only kissed, so my imagination just ran wild and I don't know how much of the image I have created in my head of Lindsey is actually true.
Lindsey got my note, when he was at the neighbor's house, I didn't know he and Terry are friends. We had pretty intense eye contact, but that's all. He came to work and he ignored me, not sure if he did it on purpose or not, but it bothers me. Maybe he acted that way because my Dad was home. I don't want us to end before we even began. Uh, I sound ridiculous. It's not like I've fallen madly in love with him, but he's... there's something about him that I'm extremely attracted to.
"Have you been listening to a word I just said?" Jen pulls me out of my thoughts and I face her, shaking my head. "What's up with you anyway? You've been acting weird lately."
"I'm fine." Am I though? Is obsessing over a man, much older than me, who happens to work for my dad considered healthy?
"You've got something on your mind." She points her spoon at me, before digging into her chocolate dessert. "Is it a boy?" She's teasing me, I can tell from the sound of her voice.
"It's not."
"Oh come on, Steph, I know you."
"It's not a boy, Jen. It's a man."
She abandons her piece of cake, her attention on me. "How old are we talking?"
"Thirty six." I say, looking away again. "Remember, at my birthday party, when we were at the club and this guy grabbed me and another one told that asshole to back off?"
"Yeah...? I do." Jennifer nods her head. "You told me, you didn't know him. But then, you did leave with him and returned like half an hour later."
"I do know him. Lindsey started working as a gardener for us a few weeks ago. He just happened to be there, meeting up with a friend. We went outside and I kissed him." I look down, spinning a ring on one of my fingers. "He kissed me back and we made out for like ten minutes."
"I mean... I didn't get a very good look at him, but he looked pretty hot." Jen shrugs, returning to her dessert, she's going to regret eating it later.
"You should see him with his shirt off."
"You've slept with him?" She exclaims and I immediately shush her, we're not the only two people in the restaurant.
"Not yet. Lindsey said, I should get back to my friends. I don't know if he was being a gentleman or whatever or he's just not interested." I reach for my mojito and take a sip. "He's messing with my head." I sigh, crossing my arms.
"Well, have you talked about it?"
"I gave him a note with a very clear message, but he hasn't said or done anything about it."
Jen narrows her eyes at me, pausing for a second before speaking up. "You're not in love, are you?"
"No!" I shake my head. "Of course, I'm not. But... I'm attracted to him and he seems like a nice guy, when you look past his tough façade."
"I don't get what the big deal is." Jen licks her spoon off clean and puts it down on the empty plate. "The next time you see him, tell him you want to fuck his brains out. Surely, he wouldn't turn you down." She's so crude sometimes. "You're young, you've got a pretty face, you're sexy as hell. I don't know any man, who would say no to you."
I put my elbow on the table and rest my chin on my clenched fist. "I'm afraid, he might."
"What makes you say that?"
"Exactly what you just told me, I'm much younger than him. Besides, if my Dad somehow found out, Lindsey could get fired. I don't want him to risk his job, so he can have sex with a twenty one year old girl."
"I think you're full of it." Jen laughs and I'm not sure why. "I think you like him a lot more than you want me to believe."
I grow silent after that. Is- is Jennifer right?
