Never Thought

#3. Hatred

Forth's POV

I want to see him. Or at least just seeing his reply to my chat is fine for now. I wanted to call him this morning, but I'm afraid if he has a morning class then it would interrupt him, so I tried to call him during lunch time, but there was no answer too.

I sigh on my chair. Sitting in front of a trestle table at the Engineering canteen.

"You seem gloomy," said Lam. "Unusual." said another friend.

I respond them with a coy smile.

"Hey, by the way, what happened two days ago? I mean, between you and Beam." asked Lam.

I was a bit startled but I didn't show it on my face. I thought he forgot about it, but he didn't. I guess it's normal because actually, if you weren't heavily drunk, you still can remember things, at least fragmentary. In Lam's case, he probably heard Beam's lovely loud moan. I don't want people hear his moan, actually, but I couldn't help it that time. I forgot it was Lam's place. I forgot to hold Beam's moan. I was too greedy. I was drowning in lust.

"Were you guys fighting? I think I heard some kind of noise upstairs." He continued.

I don't know how to answer this. If I tell him the truth, there might be two possibilities. One, he might shock and ask me to stop. Or two, he might laugh it off and say "come on dude, he's not your first man." I remained silent and choose my answer carefully.

"He was too drunk that time. He-"

"You guys fucked?" another friend cuts my answer casually, the true answer, actually.

"Hahahaha.. They fucked? Forth never fuck a close friend. Well, he's not that close, but Beam has been drinking with us for more than three times, as long as I can remember. Consider it's close." Lam replied our friend.

Yeah.. It's also true. I never take a friend, nor a real stranger too. Which means, what Beam said about manwhores are wrong too. I never pay someone to have a sex with me. But this time, I took my own friend to my lust. And I never thought I would be this desperate wanting Beam again not just to feel his skin, but to make him mine.

I guess, I have to tell them the truth.

"Yeah." I said, short and plain.
"Yeah, right? Haha.." Lam thought it was a 'yeah' for me not taking a friend.
"Yeah?! For real??" the other friend thought it was a 'yeah' for making love with Beam.

I remained calm.

"Yeah.. I made love with him." To be honest, I usually choose word 'fuck' or simply 'sex', but I don't know why this time, I choose 'made love' words to describe what I did with Beam.

At the second I said it, they stop eating and dropped their jaws. All of them.

"You are kidding, right?" asked Lam, doubting me.
"Man? Seroiusly? I just guessed it randomly and it's true?"
"Do you like him?" this last one question startled me.

I'm just staring at my friends. I bet they believe me now just by my silence.

"He's.. I.. I don't know what I really feel now. I cant let him go from my mind. I never thought I would fall for him so sudden. I cant sleep before I chat him. I immediately check my phone in the morning. I'm waiting for his reply all day. It might be a long time I haven't feel this way, or might be.. This is the first time I feel this way."

"Wait, what do you mean? Explain it clearly and slowly." Lam asked, more like investigating me.

"During high school, I liked a girl. She was the first person I liked that deep. I dated her for quiet long. I could easily date any girl I want, but I chose her. She wasn't as pretty as a Beauty Queen, but I fell for her despite knowing her was having a heartbroken about her ex-boyfriend. I wanted to make her my own and get rid of her sadness, and I thought I did." I paused for a while. I'm not typical person that talks a lot. Then again, I choose my words carefully.