Never Thought

#13. Loser

"I'm not perfect. I'm not your type. Maybe I'll never make you feel enough. But at least, here I am, to tell you how much I love you. Even if you cant love me back."

Beam's POV

I cant enjoy the food anymore. I cant laugh louder anymore. Actually, nothing's funny from her anymore.

And he's over there.. Enjoying his food, laughing with his friends, chatting casually, like nothing happened.

Right.. He's forgetting me. Now I know he isn't serious about his feelings. He forgets me this easily. Well, you should be happy, Beam. He's not into me anymore. Great. I can go back to my Casanova life.

But damn, I cant help it. I need to do something.

"P'?" She woke me from my imagination.

"Yeah?"

"Are you listening, P'?"

Oh, right. She was talking. What did she say?

"Ehm, no. I mean, I was thinking about my task." What a fool.

"Task? Can you tell me?"

Shit. I need to make up a story. So yeah, I made up a story just to convince her.

But, shit, my head is spinning around in a super worry state. Damn! He acts so casual!

Urgh! It frustates me! I almost trust his words, but see what I got?! Thank God I'm not falling for him yet.

"P'.."

"Yeah?"

"Do you know that guy? He's from the same university, isn't he?"

Why did she ask? Don't ask me about that guy.

"Yeah. An Engineering student. Sophomore."

"Ah, same as you?"

"Yeah, same as me. Why?"

"No, it's just, you looked at him few times. If you want to say hi just go on."

Wha.. Shit. She realized it?

"Haha. No, it's okay."

"Oh, okay, P'"

Good. Stop talking about him. Just enjoy this night.

Forth's POV

"Man, he's just looking at here. Did you see that?"

"Hm." I said that while chewing my bitter steak.

"Look look, he's looking at you again."

"Hm."

I let this happened. Didn't I told you that I have to make myself use to it? Even if he's trying to steal a glance of me, I let him be. He'll go with the girl anyway, I cant stop it. If I were perfectly straight, I would pick her too. Why should I pick a man? A muscular man. Hahaha. Pathetic.

We keep talking like nothing happens. I even order another food. Fuck life.

So.. This is how a broken heart feels like? Ah.. I forgot. Cant imagine I would feel it again.

It already has been an hour. An hour in hell.

"You want to go home now?" Lam asked me.

"Yeah. Ehm, no. I think we should go somewhere louder, somewhere I can get drunk heavily."

I cant easily get drunk, and I only get drunk heavily when I'm stressed. Need more and more bottles to make me pass out.
Hope this feeling can be gone soon.