𝙃𝙄 𝘿𝘼𝘿𝘿𝙔 | TAEKOOK

028 | guilt

myactualguardian💞

TODAY
11:55 p.m.

ME
| Jin Hyung please open your door

MYACTUALGUARDIAN💞
| BABY OMG YOU'RE AT THE DOOR WTF SHOULD'VE TOLD ME SOONER

ME
| I just got here calm down

MYACTUALGUARDIAN💞
| Should've told me sooner so I could've left it open

ME
| Yes, and let burglars and bacteria and germs enter

MYACTUALGUARDIAN💞
| Anything for you sweetie uwu

ME
| JUST PLEASE OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR ITS COLD OUT HERE

MYACTUALGUARDIAN💞
| oh yEAH SORRY FORGOT BE RIGHT THERE

-

As soon as the door bursts open, Jeongguk is enveloped by warmth and strong arms. He's immediately rushed inside and seated onto the white couch, a cup of hot chocolate already set on the coffee table infront of him. He sends a grateful smile at Jin who's pushing him into taking his jacket off so he can hang it. Once he does, he joins Jeongguk on the couch, watching him carefully as he takes a sip of the hot chocolate. Well, room temperature chocolate drink.

"How come you had this ready?" Jeongguk asks as he places the mug down and brings his knees to his chest. He looks at Jin who's giving him a warm smile. "I could feel you coming. It was a clear warning to get the hot chocolate ready." Jeongguk finally smiles at that, and Jin feels pride well in his heart.

"So why are you all mopey and sad? That was the first genuine smile you gave me." Jin asks softly, reaching out a hand. Jeongguk puts his own hands in his and watches as the older gently rubs patterns onto his slightly portruding veins.

"But I just got here. So its the first smile I gave you." Jeongguk says, brat coming out in his words. Jin laughs, happy that Jeongguk can atleast joke around in the state he is. He might not notice it himself, but he's shaking and his eyes are red and puffy.

"Well, you only come over this late when its an emergency concerning your health." Jin says, and Jeongguk can't argue with that. Jin is a person who gives him incredible comfort no matter what and he's like a parent to him. Always feeding him and showering him with love. After moving away from his parents to live alone and attend University, Jin immediately found him and took him in as his child.

"What do you do when you've ruined something so incredible because you were selfish? Because maybe you used that person to gain what you wanted?" Jeongguk pulls his knees closer to his chest as he runs through what Taehyung said.

Slut...Sex and money...

"Then you confront it head on. Don't hide behind a mask and just tell them everything. The way that you feel and the whole story." Jin says but Jeongguk shakes his head no. Jin's smile turns to a frown.

"But how can you when your just a stupid slut looking to gain money and sex for his benefits? How can you when its hard to explain the story because will they believe you?" Jeongguk hears his voice crack at the end but he could care less at the moment. He wants to breakdown and cry in Jin's arms but he has to get through this.

"Jeongguk -- what? You're not a stupid slut. Why would you even say that?" Jin says worriedly, tugging Jeongguk's arm so he would fall into another embrace. He accepts and places his face onto Jin's broad shoulder.

"Because all I do is sleep around and beg for money and call people daddy to gain something out of it." His voice is muffled by Jin's cream sweater but he can feel the tears soak through. Jin uses one hand to rub the youngers back and one hand to run through his hair.

"And I didn't mean to ruin anything. I didn't mean to hurt him. I finally felt like I liked someone again but now he hates me. He hates me because I'm just a stupid abuser who likes to prey off peoples kindness and sexual pleasures. I'm a slut that doesn't know how to do anything."

"I'm a stupid person who doesn't know when to not catch feelings. Why can't I let Yoongi go? Why do I have too see him so bad? Why did I have to hurt Taehyung?"

"Why? Why? Why?" Jeongguk wails, wounding his arms tighter around Jin's neck. Jin himself feels tears well up in his eyes as he listens to his friend sob into his shoulder, insecurity and guilt rolling off of him and tangible in the air.

"I didn't mean for things to go this way. I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted to be loved and cuddled. In the beginning it was all for the money and the sex, but I fucking wanted more. I wanted more than just a quickie and then leave. I wanted more than 100$ dollars each month. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me they love me and that I'm worthy of something."

"I just wish I could've been enough."

Jeongguks breathing picks up and he heaves through his sobs.

"Shh. Shh baby, its okay. You're here in my arms. You're safe." Jin calmly says, whispering slowly into Jeongguk's ears. He lets his own tears fall as he shuts his eyes, his own heart hurting for Jeongguk.

Yoongi is Jin's bestfriend, someone he could rely on. When Jeongguk was introduced to him, something in Yoongi clicked and he made sure to have him any way. Whether it be in a friends with benefits situation or an actual relationship, Yoongi started a cycle where both of them would end up hurting in the end. He knows Yoongi didn't mean for this to happen, and Jin tried to stop it before it got too out of hand. He told him that Jeongguk attaches easily and that if they were to be FWBs, he would fall hard. But Yoongi didn't listen.

He took and he took and he took as much as he could from Jeongguk.

Yet through the sex and the money and the cold shoulder, he truly felt for Jeongguk. So that's why he ran.

He could read his bestfriend better than anybody else and he knew when his friend felt something deeper than the usual "friend bond." He knew it scared him and he knew this would happen. But he couldn't do anything to stop it.

And now Jeongguk was hurting. Yoongi had left him in the dust, trying to move on and succesfully doing so based on the recent updates Jin received from him.

He tried to reason with him, tried to talk him into letting go of Jeongguk before he hurt any more. But Yoongi always wanted everything to himself. He was selfish that way.

Jin didn't know how to fix this situation.

How can he possibly give his best advice if he's drowning in guilt himself?

•••

This actually goes a lot deeper than the eyes could see before wowee

But the POVs are going to change alot from now on, please understand ( actually it's all Jeongguk's because I'm a perfectionist and it would be weird to keep changing views woops )

Also uh this was one of my favorite chapters to write uwu

~m