Speak.

VI.

It was a warm and starry night. We were in his living room; I picked a book from his library and started reading on his couch, while he was listening some music on the radio, with his guitar on his lap. He named it  Morena Galáctica, for it was black including its strings, and I laughed at the thought of the mere reason he put his guitar that nickname. I could hear the crickets singing their own song in the quietness, and felt some breeze making its entrance through the window, and I closed my eyes for a moment, giving me some goosebumps on my skin. God, it felt so good, so peaceful, so calmed.

I wanted to live forever like this. But then I remembered that my time was almost up and I had to face my father sooner than I hoped, and as soon as I thought of him, my anxiety began to take over, but I pushed it aside. I didn’t need that right now. I needed to be at ease.  

Suddenly, a song came along, and I listened closely. I haven’t heard it before, but it kinda fit right in that moment. The singer began to sing and the lyrics started to make a room in my head. My heart started to beat a little faster, and felt some connection. It seemed like it was talking to me.

Wake up from your slumber, child don't you see? These dreams you love to hide in are from a forest made by me; be still you´re shaking chasing your shadow, these pursuits of your pictures are tearing you down slow, so turn to me…

Tears ran down my face once again. It hit me right to the core, and I couldn’t stop it from affecting me this hard. Oh boy…I couldn’t even pass the pages, I was reading the same lines like a thousand times, and I laughed in my insides, 'cause I didn’t mind, the song was telling me all I needed to hear.

I lifted up my stare and found him with his eyes on me. He didn’t try to come closer; he knew I wanted to be in my moment of vulnerability and not being touched yet. He started to sing along with the song, in an attempt to make me feel safe and better. My pain was slowing down; my body was relaxed. I stared at the window and got lost there. I pictured myself living at the top of the mountain, in a little cabin, with so little, 'cause I wouldn’t need a lot of things. I would go to the town to buy all I'd need for a month. I'd take my baths in the river, drinking in my surroundings. I would sleep under the stars every night, and I would write while making coffee. I smiled; it was a good dreamy life.

The song was replaced by another one, and I knew who the singer was: Roo Panes. How could I forget that deep voice? He was singing my favorite song: Stay with me. It brought me some old memories of my own life. The people I met, the ones I loved, the ones I had to let go, the ones I forgot, but somehow tonight was the night my memories were flowing all over the room.

“I want to dance this song with you”, he said making his way towards where I was, and extended his hand.

I looked at him doubtfully. Didn’t he see we were good this way? He liked to take things further, to go outside the box, like the optimistic people say all the time, to make others realize that there were so much more out there.

“Do you trust me?” he asked with hope in his eyes.

As soon as I opened my mouth, a weird sound came out. I didn’t know what to say. Did I trust him?

He didn’t wait for my answer. He took my hand and pulled me close. He took the lead, with me along. I let him carry me, for I was pretty bad at dancing, and he was aware of that. But there we were: dancing in his living room, in a starry night. His hand was caressing my hip and I didn’t know why, but I felt nervous and tensed. I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I was holding in.

Oh, stay with me, oh, stay with me, oh, you´re right where you are supposed to be...

It was as if the song was talking for him. Speaking his own mind. Telling me the things he didn’t want to say just yet, 'cause he was afraid of ruining things. But I caught up the signs. I could tell. But I didn’t want to struggle this time. I rested my head on his shoulder and danced.

You take me back to the morning light, You take me back to the morning light, the very moment that I found my sight; you´re forever by my side..

“Stay tonight, please…” he pleaded, whispering to my ear, his voice was breaking with so much humanity. “I'm not asking you to do anything else, just…for tonight, don't go just yet”.

I looked at him and saw in his eyes those feelings I tried to ignore for so long. He was opening to me, and putting his heart on his sleeve. I bit my lip; still not knowing what to say. I nodded and put my head again on his shoulder. His feelings were flowing around us, and I did nothing to stop them from doing it. Even though I had to face my father, I prayed for tomorrow to never come.