Speak.

II.

I woke up slowly, barely recognizing where I was. Then, all of sudden my memories came in a rush. Oh God. It's tomorrow...I sat on the couch and breathed lightly. Didn't want to talk about it just yet. Too much to handle. Why did I come here in the first place? My thoughts were driving me insane. I just wanted to sleep and forget about everything. I need coffee. Yes, that'd be good for my system, then get out of here and never come back. Yeah, the same voice said, keep telling yourself that. I went to the kitchen and made some coffee. This time I put some sugar and milk. I took a sip and felt the warmth coming back to my body. I walked to the porch, and found a sunny day: the breeze was chilly and I could hear the birds singing. It was a pretty day.

''I didn't know you were up'', said a voice behind me.

''Old habits'', I answered in a low voice.

He stood next to me, and once again, I felt his weight on me. I knew what he wanted: he wanted to talk about last night. He wanted me to open up, to expose myself, to take off the burden I've carried for so long. Not yet, please. I was aware of his intentions, but I pretended not to notice.

''I won't do that ''you gotta open up someday'' shit. You know me: straight to the bone'', he said with a calm voice, ''but I'm worried about you. You barely talk about your stuff, and I fear you might explode and no one will be there to help you pick up the pieces''.

I took another sip and closed my eyes for I didn't know how long. I was trying to contain my tears, and I was trembling. Not now. Please. I knew I told myself this would be the last place to come, but at least he didn't push me. And then, he hugged me. Just like that. He knew what I thought of hugging. To me, a hug should last two seconds and that'd be enough. But he didn't care. He has hugged me for more than two seconds and I let him do that. Did I let him hug me to make him feel better? Or was it to show me that it was ok to be vulnerable sometime? I would never tell him that his hugs made me fell that the world hadn't ended. I cried in silence while he hugged me. His warmth felt so good...

''I forgot to tell you to add some sugar to my coffee last night'', I said with a hoarse voice, ''but I drank it anyway''.

He laughed, and his hug became tighter. Dammit. Too clingy, dude. He won't let me go that easily.

''You're such a stubborn one'', you hate to admit when you need something, and yet here you are''. He stated me down and I swore I had my eyes all red and puffy. You're breaking my walls. Not now, please.

I let out a breath and my arms hugged him back. I won't break for sure, I thought. It's ok, it's ok, I said to myself.

''It's ok'', he said, reading me like always. My sobs were soft and hugged him tighter. Guess my two seconds hug rule was nowhere to be found. But I wasn't ready to talk just yet.