To Mend Heartache

Crossroads

Two months. It's been two months since the last time Scott and I were together. So much can happen in two months that you're not even aware of. I wasn't, until two weeks ago.

The door burst open suddenly, shattering my somber thoughts. He put away his rain soaked jacket, his eyes were violently red. He turned to me, surprised to find me in his room. I shouldn't have been here. Things ended for us two months ago. But when we died something in me was born.

"I need to tell you something. I said, reaching for his hand. He placed both hands in his pockets, preventing me from reaching out to him.

"What is it?" He asks impatiently.

"I'm pregnant." I watch his reaction closely. He only stared at me, shock the only emotion on his face. It must have been minutes until he spoke again.

"How long have you known?" he asked.

"Two weeks," I replied. "I should have told you sooner but I was afraid of how you would react. I took a few tests when I went in two weeks ago, just to make sure everything was okay."

He looked at me a few seconds longer before saying, "You are not having that baby." He got up and left without another word, slamming the door behind him.

There was nothing I could do in that moment but cry. I was afraid this would happen. He said so himself months ago that having a baby would ruin our lives. We were only 20 and our only priority should be getting a degree, not raising a baby. I know how complicated our lives could become, but ever since I found out I have felt blessed. When Scott came into my life, he became the only person I cared about. I shut everyone out and when he left I had no one. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought that finally after being alone for so long I would have someone to care for, someone to love more than Scott. But he doesn't want anything to do with me or the baby.

***

I went home after my tears ran dry, there was no use staying here. Hours came and went and I ended up falling asleep. I hardly ever locked my room, but I was so drained from today that I didn't hear the door open. All I felt was the bed dip. I didn't have to turn around to know that it was Scott. He pulled the blankets back and climbed underneath. My back was to him, I couldn't face him after what he said to me. He hugged me to him, I wanted to pull away when he whispered, "Let's have a baby." This brought me to tears. This is the reason I can't move on. The reason I can't let him go. Every time I'm close to moving on, he only holds on tighter. Moments like this make me understand that I need him just as much as he needs me. What he said tonight gives me hope that we can be a real family. I turn around and cling onto him. I fall asleep to the sound of the steady sound of his heartbeat.

***

The following morning I wake up to find Scott had left. He left a note saying he would be at the library all day but we could have dinner later. I was happier than I've been months, years even. Nothing could ruin my mood today.

My phone rand and I answered immediately, knowing it was the test results.

"Hello"

"Is this Diana?"

"Yes"

"Your results came in today. I'm so sorry Diana—"

She didn't need to day anything else. Something went wrong. I'm no longer going to be a mother. Something went wrong. I killed the only thing that has kept me sane for weeks. Something went wrong. My baby is gone, yet it's still here with me. What could have gone wrong?"

I could barely breathe, my vision was blurry from the tears threatening to spill. I needed to escape, to be as far away from this place as possible. If my baby couldn't live, I shouldn't either.