The 10 commandments

Filler

T/W abuse, mentions of self harm, mention of rape, ptsd. If you don't want to read it it will be summarized at the end.

                         Alex p.o.v
Once classes were over Laurens had dragged me into our dorm room and I stared at the ground as Laurens talked.

"How long has this been going on?"

I bit my lip.

"A-about a month.."

It was silent for a moment but then I heard the clanging of spoons and forks in the kitchen and I squeezed my eyes shut.

He was going to cut me. It was going to hurt like hell, but I guess it could be worse

He let out a satisfied hum once he found what he was looking for and slowly made his way over to me.

"That's about, 28 days right? Since you chose to disobey me for that long, you'll get a cut for everyday."

He placed the flat part of the knife against my face.

"Where do you want them, Lexi?"

I quietly lifted my shirt revealing the want cuts that already criss crossed my stomach.

"Stomach?" He questioned, with a tinge of humour in his voice.   "Are you positive?"

I nodded, once again having to blink away tears that threatened to streak down my face. This was inevitable. I disobeyed Lauren's. I was sneaky and inconsiderate about how this may have made him feel, and so I deserved what I would get.

He placed the blade against my skin and started slicing. The blood slid down my stomach and I felt my face contort as it reminded of a memory I had wanted to forget. He must've noticed me grimace cause he sighed.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

"Baby, this hurts me more than it hurts you."

8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

I nodded. I already knew that, I know he didn't want to hurt me. I knew that he only did what was necessary....

Though he seemed to do this a bit more often for things I would have considered insignificant.

14, 15, 16, 17, 18

"You know I love you, Alex."

19, 21, 22, 23, 24

"I-i know..."

25, 26, 27, 28

I flinched as he pulled the knife away and reached towards my face with his opposite hand.

I thought he was going to hit me again, but he didn't. He simply cupped my chin, pulling my head up slightly so that my gaze met his.

"Let's getchu cleaned up. Don't move."

He placed a kiss against my forehead and I stood in middle of the livingroom, shaking. I deserved this, I know I did. I fucked up and this was my punishment, but the thing was...i liked Thomas... and i liked talking to him. I know John didn't approve of it but...I wasn't quite sure I could stay away from the Virginian.

I was snapped out of my thoughts as peroxide was applied to my wounds. I hissed doing my best to keep from whimpering, it stung like a bitch. Once John was done tending to my wounds I dropped the hem of my shirt and looked up at him.

He smiled.

And I couldn't help but to smile back.

"There are those beautiful brown eyes i've learned to love."

He took my face in his hands and ran a thumb across my lips.

"I love you...Lex"

My body stiffened as he placed a kiss against my lips.

No
                     
"I love you...Lex"

"L-laurens...please, it hurts."

Laurens laughed shoving me against the headboard, continuing to bite my neck, fucking me with his fingers.

"I want you Lex. I wanna see what that pretty mouth looks like, wrapped around my cock-"

He stopped biting me just to lean towards my ear and whisper,

"- and then I want to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk."

I shivered

"L-laurens please"

"L-laur, please"

"I don't want this"

"I cant...not tonight."

"Can i...can I just go to bed."

"Can I just go to sleep."

"Absolutely not."

"Now why would you go and ask a stupid question like that."

My hands started shaking as I realized, this has happened before...this has happened so many times before...why have I never noticed? When was the last time our sex was...

Consensual?

I pulled into myself as Laurens started removing my clothes.

'I don't want this'

I squeezed my eyes shut

'But he want this. And he's what matters. He's the only one who loves you...'

I bit my lip to keep from crying, he would beat me if I cried, but I was also struck with a sudden realization.

'How long has it been...since I've actually loved him?'

Summary:
Laurens cuts Alex for everyday he had lied to him and afterwards proceeded to have sex with him (unconsensual). While Laurens was "doing his thing" Alex realized it had been a long time since their sex was consensual. It had also been a long time since he had actually loved Laurens.

845 words