The 10 commandments

Filler

  T/W self harm, panic attack               
                  Alex P.O.V

"So Ham-"

Thomas wiggled his brows,

"-last night was something. Eh?"

I laughed. Oh yea, it was definetly something.

During our 'Netflix and Chill' session, Thomas' dumb ass spilled popcorn all over me, himself, and the floor. This was cause by his jumping during a "scary" scene in The Lazurus Effect. Needless to say, he was picking popcorn out of his hair all the rest of the night which was absolutley funny even though her kept pouting, telling me to stop laughing.

Later, after that movie we decided to watch Moana and a few other Disney movies. Though finding out he can't dance, I found out he's an amazing singer.

"I think I may have even learned a few new moves from you."

He snorted,

"Oh don't mock me, you know you loved my dancing. You couldn't keep your eyes off me."

"Ha....No. Babe, you were standing in front of the TV. I legitimatelyhad nowhere else to look."

He smirked,

"Uh-hu, you keep telling yourself tha- wait. Babe?"

'What?'

I cocked a brow,

"W-what did you call me?"

He frowned.

"I didn't call you anything Lex. You on the other hand, called me...babe. Not that I mind it or anything."

'Oh'

I looked down at my math sheet.

Why did I call him babe? I...i have a boyfriend. This not right...God..none of this is right. John loves me. And I'm with Thomas what've I been doing....

"Alex?"

Laurens loves me. I love him, but yet here I am going behind his back. What was I thinking?

"Lex?"

This is why Lauren's punishes me. I'm a slut

"Alexander!?"

I'm a whore.

I felt the knife dig into my arm

I'm worthless

It sliced my skin, drawing blood

I'm broken

Again

I'm a disgrace

And again

And again

I felt my breaths shallow as my thoughts raced about my head, slamming against the back of my skull. I could see Laurens' dissalointed face glaring down at me and my mind was pounding, and pounding, and pounding.

I couldn't breath

Why...why was I doing this? This is why Laurens beat me. I deserved it. I went behind his back, and lied, and cheated, and-

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, lifting me from my seat, but I didn't care. I needed punishment.

I felt a warmth seep down my arm. I was bleeding but I still didn't care this is what I deser-

"Alexander!!"

My mind snapped back into focus as my eyes landed on a person in front of me.

"Alex stop. Please, please stop..."

He was gripping my arm tightly and my gaze lazily drifted down to my wrist.

'Oh'

My nails were digging into my skin, scraping and tearing at my already scarred skin. Weird. I didn't really feel it. I pulled my nails put of my skin and I felt Thomas gingerly remove my hand from my arm.

"God Alex why would you- No, I just..."

He sighed,

"We're gonna get you patched up. Okay?"

I nodded and I felt him picks me back up. I rested my head against his chest and I could hear his heart beat. It was fast, and unsteady, and loud, but, slowly...it lulled me to sleep.

555 words