I really thought that he and I would last for a good amount of time. Not into college, but just for the summer. A fling. Not a relationship, not a friends with benefits situation. Just two friends that care about each other, borderline fucking, but keeping it super intimate.
He told me that he was taking summer classes in Alabama so we only have 3 weeks together. So that was 3 weeks of constant talking. Constant battles. Constant secrets thrown into each other forever.
But the thing is, he fed me the same bullshit my last lover did. He told me "I want to marry you." "You have a beautiful soul, protect yourself." "You're not super pretty, but your face is symmetrical and I like that." "Will you have my kids?"
Some fuckshit.
My last lover was emotionally, and mentally abusive, I think. So hearing this come from my latest lover was alarming. One time he told me he can't start hard for too long because he watches too much porn. And another time he told me that his goal was to masturbate on every mode of transportation: busses, trains, cars, planes, everything.
When they both went to college, they told me they'd always be here for me when I need them.
So when I hit them up because I'm crying or I just need to talk or I miss them, they wanna be busy, or say they can't talk, or give no response.
So with my latest lover, he said he can't talk because there is spotty cell service. I didn't take that. I told my best guy friend, about what happened. Showed him screenshots bc he needed to see this.
And he told me on the real, my latest lover is gone.
Today is a new moon, about to enter a mercury retrograde, and about to enter Leo sun sign. I'm a Leo rising and Leo true nose in the 12 house. I'm also an Aries mercury in the 7th house. Basically, shits tough right now because it's about new beginnings and focusing on me. Undoing my relationships so that I can be at my best self.
I need to let him go. I can't hold onto a relationship that is dead because then I won't be able to nurture and bring relationships that are new and healthy for me.
My feelings are hurt, but at least my heart is protected. That's all I can say about all of this.
Also for the record, I'm irreplaceable. I've got this vibe about myself that nobody will ever find anywhere else. I've got this love to give out. Everywhere. But once this live is wasted, and I'm shown that I'm not wanted around, I'm gone and that's the last that anybody will see, feel, or hear from me ever again.
Be with me all the way, or go away. That's it. Don't fuck with my energy and say that I give up too easily. I just know when and from who to walk away.
