If I think about my future, I get overwhelmed and feel the need to cry my heart out.
I don't have a dream.
The only thing I know is my love for creating stories, drawing, and listening to music.
I like food, reading, sleeping, but that's probably because I'm a teenager.
My future is like a mystery box and I'm afraid to open it, scared that I'll get something I don't want.
Like being homeless.
Or being on my own in this big world.
Or running into trouble that I can never escape.
Every time someone asks me what my dream job is, I either lie and pretend I know what I'm doing.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I guess an artist."
But I only say that because that's what I've been told ever since I was a child.
I liked to draw, and I wasn't that bad at it, but I could never draw something and earn a living off of it.
Or I tell them the truth...
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I don't know."
"Don't worry! You have plenty of time to decide!"
That last sentence kills me.
I have plenty of time to decide? I'm 16. Time is running out! No matter how much I wish I could stop time, take a breath, and really think about what I want to invest my entire fucking life for, time will continue to move. With or without me, it'll keep going. And if you don't keep moving forward, you'll be left behind.
You only have one life so don't fucking waste it.
BUT WHAT IF I DO?
WHAT IF I FUCK EVERYTHING UP AND THERE'S NO CHANGING IT?
NO ONE HAS PREPARED ME FOR THE LIFE IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
God, I wish I could just be one of those lucky girls in fanfictions.
I could get sucked into my favorite tv show and help the characters I've grown to love.
I could go to sleep one night and wake up in my favorite anime, fighting alongside characters that are practically my second family.
But no.
I'm forced to live in this world.
Where power is how much money you have.
Where you either fake a smile or die trying.
Where you don't matter one single bit.
Where you either live to leave a mark on this world or die like the nobody we are.
We are living on one planet, in one solar system, in one galaxy, in one universe.
We are nothing compared to the rest of the universe.
This is why I contemplate death.
