OK so I graduated.
How fun...
If I wasn't sure of what I wanted to do after school before, I sure as hell am now. I have no clue what job I should pursue and stick with for the rest of my life.
They say to go for something that makes you happy and that you could always find entertaining to do. Sadly, I get bored easily and I tend to throw out the old and accept the new.
I'll binge eat a specific type of food (recently it's chicken fried rice) and then I'll get tired of it after some point. When I find that I'm no longer wanting any more of that food, I'll find a new one to binge.
I went from mac and cheese to chimichangas, breakfast burritos to chips and salsa, tv dinners to chicken fried rice, and there will probably be more to come.
I'm the same way with tv show genres, hobbies, youtubers, etc, etc. You get the point.
I said it before that I like to draw, read, and write, but I could never use any of them to pursue an actual career. It took me a long time to come back to this Wattpad account and start writing again instead of just opening another google docs. I'm not confident in my skills as an "artist" and even I have trouble sitting still and finishing a book. (although, some say it's because of my need to move or do something that sitting still with a book for hours is difficult for me to do)
I rotate between my hobbies a lot so sticking to just one as a career is out of the question.
but I'm also too scared to apply for a job. Putting myself on the line, making myself known in the spotlight is something I've always avoided in my teens. Applying for a job is the same way in my eyes.
"Hey, yes, I'd like to give you this piece of paper that tells you everything I am confident in and totally great at."
"This is a blank piece of paper..."
"Yes, I have very low self-esteem and practically hate myself, so it was difficult to list my top qualities or even give you a good explanation on why you should hire me."
Every time I try to look for a job at a fast food restaurant nearby, I exit out of the tab before I could hit a single button on the page.
But that's not the only option right? Going straight for a job after high school isn't what most kids do.
Well, you're right... It's not what most kids do.
most kids go to college.
because most kids weren't as depressed or didn't give a shit about their high school grades like I did.
I fucked it up for myself because that's who I am. I'm not most kids.
I barely passed my classes with the grades I got, I never joined a club or helped the community by picking up trash or helping out a fundraiser, and I most certainly didn't win any awards or excel in anything other than being a complete extra.
The only people who knew me are my two friends.
The only people who know my name are the kids in my grade that will most likely forget all about my existence in a year or two.
But just because my family doesn't truly know me, doesn't mean they don't love me. They do, I know that for certain. It's just that I've kept them in the dark for so long that it's hard to tell them the truth most times.
Anyway, back to the college thing.
My family is struggling with money and it's impossible to earn scholarships after high school so the whole "live on campus and make friends while you struggle to maintain a certain GPA" is out of the question.
But hey, I have a plan.
Save up money, live in an apartment with my best friend, and go from there.
easier said than done.....
