Loss Of The Stars

Chapter 10

(Karma's POV)

We pulled away, my face hot to the touch, his face as red as my hair. None of us said anything for the first ten seconds after we pulled away, probably because of the shock.

"I'm uh..." I broke the silence. "I'm gonna take a shower...if you want to shower, I have spare clothes in the closet. You can use that." I got off the mattress, looking down at his blushing face. "Sorry for that. Really."

"It's okay." He mumbled softly, but loud enough for me to hear. "And a shower does sound nice...I'll go in after you're done."

I nodded and grabbed a change of clothes. Since I come here pretty often...I made this room my room, and I moved some of my clothing from back home to here, my safe place. I took a cold shower, since my face wouldn't cool down on its own, and then got out all dressed and comfortable.

And just as Nagisa said, he went in as soon as I walked out. Me? I walked out to the balcony (yes, this room has a balcony) after I grabbed my pack of cigarettes, haven't had a smoke in all day.

Inhaling from the already lit cigarette, I leaned my elbows on the railing, watching as the smoke that was sighed out by me danced away in the air. The sound of cars driving up and down the road below me.

I thought back on the events from this morning...not at school, but at home. Dad brought that woman home again, the one after his money....what's her name again? Haruka? Don't know, don't care. Mom didn't show up at home either, she's been gone since last night, probably drinking until she passed out.

Isn't this something. I used to have a normal family, now both parents are either sleeping with sluts, or drinking out their sorrows. All because of what? Because I came out to them when I was thirteen. I guess the idea of having a gay thirteen-year-old son was too much of a hassle for them. They didn't even pretend to be happy.

Dad thought he could fix me by hiring prostitutes, now look who's the one sleeping with them. When mom found out about dad sleeping with the prostitute, she didn't know what to do, she became insane, depressed, and the only solution for her was drinking to forget his infidelities.

And me? I started smoking. The feeling of the chemicals rushing through me was so addicting, I couldn't stop, but thirteen-year-old me noticed the addiction and stopped for a while. It was so hard, the temptation to smoke was too much. But I learned to control myself. Now I smoke whenever I'm stressed or want to think for a while.

I didn't notice the sound of a door opening, too lost in my head to crawl back out. It wasn't until my sleeve was pulled that I turned my head to look. A pair of sapphire orbs stared into my own golden ones.

My heart leaped out of my chest when I saw his expression. "Shit--Blue, I didn't realize you were out yet."

His eyes softened. "Sorry, I got out just now...also, I'm only wearing your shirt since your pants are too big."

I gazed down at his body, true to what he said, he's only wearing my white button-up shirt, reaches down to his middle thigh. The first three buttons were unbuttoned, revealing his collarbone, and the sleeves were rolled back up to his elbows. And oh my god, his hair was down, it was wet, the droplets of water sliding onto his skin.

I've said it many times before....and I'll sure as hell say it again.

So. Fucking. Cute.

"My pants are not too big....you're just too small."

His face flushed. "Say that again and I'll punch you square in the face!"

I laughed, and he did the same after punching my arm. Didn't hurt one bit. "Skyscraper." He said, now standing next to me, hands gripping the railing. "You smoke." His eyes stared at the cigarette in my hand, a frown on his face. "Why didn't you tell me? Or even mention it? I mean, we basically just met and all...but still."

My eyes lingered from his eyes to his lips...staring at them for longer than five seconds before I released a sigh and averted my gaze, now staring at the streets below.

"It's a habit. It's something that I do to....release stress. I didn't think to mention it because it seemed non-important."

My breath caught in my throat when his head reacted against my arm, his hand reaching for the cigarette. Confused, I let him take it. He was inspecting it, twirling it around his fingers before bringing it up to his lips, inhaling some of it, then proceeding in dropping it down, puffing out the fumes afterwards.

"It tastes gross....you're lucky I didn't taste this during the kiss." He said. "I would've pushed you away--no, make that a kick. I would've kicked you away."

He didn't move from his position, seemingly comfortable where he stood. I nodded, despite him not looking at me. I snaked an arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

"Nagisa." I called out, he hummed. "I don't know you, you don't know me. Despite that, let's stay together. I want to be with you." He stiffened when I said that. "No, I don't mean date. I just...want to hang out more, that's what I mean."

"Oh." His body relaxed. "Sure, I'd like that. No more kissing though. I don't like that."

I breathed out a laugh. "Fine, but I'll be flirting from time to time. You've been warned."

"Ooh~ flirting I do like." He cooed, making me giggle. "Don't think I won't give flirting a try either, sorry if I suck though, you're the first guy I've ever kissed...or hanged out with. So..."

My lips stretched into a smile. "Then I'll have to teach you....but have in mind, I won't hold back."

"I'm not asking you to."

We just stayed there, staring at our surroundings, Nagisa poked my side, then pointed up at the sky. The dark velvety sky, freckled in bright diamond-like stars. My breath was taken away. The stars, the things that don't judge me for who I am, for who I chose to be. The only things that can bring light into my dark and lonely soul...

The bluenet seemed to have been lost in the beautiful sight as well, his mouth hung open as his eyes sparkled just like the stars. His eyes were the stars.

"You know..." He began. "One day, I'm going to be up there....I'm gonna be a star and look down at the world."

My gaze didn't leave the sky. "I hear ya...but I don't want to be a star." I said, feeling his gaze on me. "I want to get lost in them."

His head nuzzled into my side.

"I want to get lost in the stars."